Risk is Good

Many a man is praised for his reserve and so-called shyness when he is simply too proud to risk making a fool of himself.

-J.B. Priestly

     My grandmother used to say, "A faint heart never won a fair lady," and I can't claim that I always understood this saying but after watching The Bachelor tonight on T.V. I think I now understand better than I ever thought I would. I just got through reading an article in Psychology Today about a certain trait in men that helps them make their decision about who they are likely to pick and why women are more likely to choose them because of this certain trait. In Theresa DiDonato's article A Mind for Love she asks the reader when they are interacting with someone of the opposite sex if they are completely focused on what the other is saying and if they are listening deeply and without judgment. Apparently, if your mind drifts to mundane things or pressures you are experiencing or even if the distraction is the physical desirability itself it means that you are not being mindful.

     She explains that mindfulness refers to one's nonjudgmental awareness and full engagement in the present moment and it's been shown to correspond to myriad advantages in individual well-being. People who are mindful are more at ease, not prone to depression and are not impulsive. They can seem to have higher self-esteem, be especially positive in their outlook and are vital and happy.

     That being said, the article outlines that women are attracted to men most who have this mindfulness trait but for men it's not reciprocal. Apparently men are simply attracted to the woman that is most attractive to them. The article uses evolutionary reasons for the phenomenon in both men and women but I have a feeling that there is more to it than accepted scientific reasons. Let's face it, we all know women are more intuitive so I'm not surprised that they would choose the most mindful man they can find to tie the knot with. It would be just the reassurance they need that they are loved back. Men take rejection better than women do normally and so it just makes sense that this is true.

     Tonight, our Bachelor Ben had to choose between two women who he claimed right up to the moment of proposing to love both of them. He didn't say the love was equal but who's quibbling? I watched this article I just read being played out before my eyes with all three individuals struggling with this phenomenon. It must have been heart-wrenching to the woman who had to walk away, who had mentally prepared herself for a proposal and was instead put in a car and removed from his presence. Even if it was difficult for him to decide, he was the only one who could make that decision. It isn't fair but that's the way it is- right or wrong.

     The only leveler is that men who aren't very mindful will have a difficult time engaging any woman in a relationship. There's a lesson in this, though. According to the article mindfulness is not in your DNA. It can be developed and acquired like a skill. I think this would be a better world if men would work on this because it can only improve them as a person and they may just find and land the woman who really is the most attractive to him. No more settling- for anybody !

Risking it all on love,

The Castle Lady