The Drew We Knew

      Of all the actresses I have watched in the movies and TV through the years I think Drew may be the only one I truly relate to on several points. Her struggle with overcoming addiction, however, is one I can't relate to but I can definitely sympathize with and applaud her ability to overcome a generational problem in her family. This is a very difficult task and I commend her on all that she has accomplished in that area of her life.

     When I read articles where she is being interviewed I often find myself nodding because we seem to think alike. I browsed through the book she came out with years ago which recounted her struggles with addiction and her family problems. This woman of thirty-five was drinking at nine years of age, smoking marijuana at ten and by the time she was fourteen had moved onto cocaine because she moved with a crowd way beyond her years. By the time she was making the movie See You in the Morning at thirteen she had already been in and out of rehabs. The book came out in 1990- the year I started my first nail salon and I made a beeline for the book because I just couldn't understand why she would follow in the footsteps of her grandfather concerning addiction. Instead of learning from his mistakes it appeared she had fallen into every hole which he had inadvertently dug for her.

     Everyone struggling with addiction who is ready to do something about the problem should read her book. It was written semi-journal style but is an expose on how addicts are born and not just made. The making is in the codependency of those around them and they also have to undergo treatment in order to learn how to help their loved ones recover with success. Drew's last sentence in the book continues to resound in my brain.

     " All I can do is the best I can."

     Nowadays she is giving out interviews where she describes herself as...

     "I am just a big walking question mark with an open heart."

     This is really not surprising given the fact that she has been sober and in control for double the time that she spent her life trying to sort out the good and the bad of being a Hollywood actress a bit too early in life and trying to find a reasonable existence in the middle of what can be confusing circumstances. A USA Weekend interview she gave out at the end of summer shows me that she has been through a lot of relationships during her life of sobriety which may be a result of the rocky upbringing. In her book she talked a lot about difficulty in dealing with her mother and in this most recent interview she still says there is a problem.

     "We just hit our bumps along the way. It's not an easy relationship. I'd say it is still a work in progress."

      This is a key issue in her life and I feel the same has been in mine. I have never tried to work out such things as she has had to because there were no underlying problems for me but I can certainly relate to having to work at relationships- even close ones. When she was still struggling with the addiction problems she spoke of resenting being patronized and felt misunderstood. Anyone who has had autonomy such as Drew so early in life is bound to feel that way. I have felt that way most of my life because being in control was an important aspect of living. Had my early life been a little more tranquil it's possible I would not be quite so fiercely independent but I feel it has been an asset in my life regardless of my singleness. I have never truly felt lonely and I need a lot of space.

     Apparently, Drew also feels this way because she's currently talking about a new relationship with her Going the Distance co-star, Justin Long, and having children without the benefit of marriage. Apparently her mother being a single parent gives her confidence in the area with a little uncertainty but I believe if anyone can pull off such a daring prospect given the circumstances created by her mother I have every reason to believe she could do it. Maybe I could, too. Like Drew, I have never felt the need to strive with the status quo. I enjoy being in my skin and being free and especially feeling free even when you can't. Reading about Drew's current life has made me also think about what the next half of my life will be and what's is around the corner. 

     "I'm trying to figure out what the second half of my life is going to be," Drew confides to Mary Murphy, a reporter for USA Weekend.

     Touché Drew. I am, also but I've got a good plan and I'm prepared to continue working it. If you give yourself a chance it might surprise you what you can do all on your own. It's always best, though, to travel in pairs.

 

The Castle Lady

with a pair of kisses !    

 

  

Facebook, Facebook, Facebook ! !

     Ever since last March I have been in a struggle to get control of an alternative e-mail address that I only use on public computers. I have had this account since before I ever owned a P.C. so that I could send e-mails from internet cafes, Kinkos and public access computers- such as at the public libraries. For over a decade it has been useful to deal with e-mails from this address relieving me from having to deal with it in my daily e-mail flow. This year that all changed when I tried to start a Facebook page with that e-mail address and because Facebook wouldn't DL any jpg, tiff or GIF photo I just gave up during that process and didn't continue.

     Shortly thereafter, when I would use the e-mail address I started seeing strange e-mails in Turkish. Luckily I didn't just delete them or I wouldn't have been onto what was happening later on. It turns out that some Facebook adherent using the name Kaan Toprak- which I've since found out is a rather common name akin to John Smith- seized the chance to use my e-mail address by using Spyware to hack the password and gain access. Once I figured out what was going on I changed the password on it twice and basically locked him out. When hotmail upgraded recently I was able to see sleezy female messenger requests for friendship and deleted about 30 women off the list and I changed the settings so it couldn't be used like that anymore. I had him locked out but when I checked to see if I could proceed with the Facebook account (this was on a hunch- I had decided against having it) I found out he was still using the e-mail address on Facebook even though I had locked him out. Because he was using it I couldn't proceed or finish the Facebook account. I am so glad I didn't use my primary e-mail.

     I contacted the Hotmail team by phone to find out how to report this illegal use of my e-mail address to Facebook and during the process of reporting I was advised to report it by e-mail to abuse. After reporting it to them they immediately put a block on the e-mail address even though I told them I had gained control of the account myself. They have been bungling on this account ever since by putting me through a validation process that I shouldn't have had to do. After the validation process which I passed  I changed the password yet again because you have to and then later I could not access it again because either the Hotmail team put another block on it or this Turk has been trying to hack the password again. Not only is Kaan locked out but I am as well. As long as he keeps trying to use this e-mail I will have to keep struggling to get control over this e-mail address. How's that for a vicious circle ?

     I have tried numerous times to get the Hotmail team to understand that Facebook cannot be reached and that the problem lies with them since they obviously don't check to see if someone's use of an e-mail address is legitimate or not. Facebook cannot be dealt with unless you have an account. I checked their issues page on this topic and there are countless people on there who have had their e-mail and Facebook blogs stolen and their only solution is to make them use yet another e-mail address to even have a Facebook account.

     Why doesn't Facebook have a contact phone number ? Well, only Zuckerman can answer that and I wish he would since every legitimate web site originating in the USA has to have one. If you are wondering why I didn't join you at Facebook now you know the reason. What would you do ? Play this stupid game ? Not on your life. If you have a Facebook account do me a favor- send Zuckerman an e-mail (yes, you can do that !) and ask him why no one can call his web site to complain and why there isn't a validation process for the use of e-mails. Blogspot has one, MSN has one... why doesn't he ?

 

Fuming !

The Castle Lady

Sunsets

 

    

I don't do this very often but I felt the need to do this tonight. I watched an amazing sunset while my city bustled and drove and barked and talked all around me. I don't think anybody bothered to watch what I was watching. It was an exhibition by God and it was free and there will never be another one exactly like it. It was as if I owned it. I wanted to share it but instead I enjoyed it alone. There were many other things to do but I walked away from all that responsibility and just stood for the span of about fifteen minutes reveling in the beauty and serenity in the midst of all the unnecessary ado about nothing. 

 

 

     As I stood there I started to think about what kind of a world this would be if everyone stopped, right at the time the sunset starts, everything they are doing and just watch the sunset. I think this would be a better world. It would be more beautiful. The people who watched it would become younger for every minute they stood there taking it in and they would never have heart attacks or influenza or gout. I think the people who stopped to watch sunsets would actually become more beautiful. Their interest rates might go down along with their blood pressure. They would be happier and not want to fight anymore.

 

 

     Sunsets are so beautiful aren't they ?

 

             Love,

 

The Castle Lady  

 

For lack of attention a thousand forms of loveliness elude us everyday.

-Evelyn Underhill