Sunday, March 31, 2013

Have You Talked to Your Conscience Lately ?

      Recently, on one of my morning walks the above question just popped into my mind while I was mulling over another grief episode concerning my Mom. It has come to my attention, over these months, that if anyone was truly close to my mother, during her life, it was myself. I can unequivocally state that we were best friends above all else. I could tell her anything and I don't remember ever being chided by her for my thoughts- no matter how far they strayed from being friendly. Only one time did my openness come under the heading of friendly fire and she weathered it with unbelievable grace and blinking. I remember apologizing to her later for being too brutal and she openly forgave me without saying anything recriminating. It occurred to me that I might be wrong about her, after the smoke cleared. It certainly taught me something about my conscience.
     Everything I am about is conscience and seeking to do the right thing in the right way. My conscience is in my blood and this is probably apparent to some people that I associate with and not to people who know very little about me. When I meet people for the first time who don't know anything about me I read them and their thoughts like a book but that comes with a price. They used to say a person is 'wearing their thoughts (or heart ) on their sleeve.'  That's good but it can also be dangerous. Trust is the main issue and it is sorely lacking in 2013. People don't talk like they used to and neighborhoods can be more about keeping one's distance than finding loving brotherhood with your next door neighbor. When people distance themselves from their conscience they have no compass for compassion and empathy with other people. How can you know someone's intentions when you are clueless about your own ?
     If I may go even one step further, you can know yourself very well- inside and out- and still not really understand someone's motivations, heartaches or trials. I remember being personally outraged by people discussing crime cases in the news as if what they were reading had to be the real truth or those who went with the general consensus of guilt adamantly. When I questioned such people I discovered that they hadn't really contemplated their ideas at all and had blindly followed the thoughts of the crowd, repeating almost word for word what had already been said on the news or erroneously reported in the paper. Errors are rife everywhere and on the internet, if you don't mind my saying so.
     It may be said in a flip or serious manner that people no longer have a conscience but I beg to differ. I know everyone has a conscience but I think many people have punched the mute button and simply forgot to turn it back on. If it really bugs you maybe you ought to stop for a minute and really listen to it. You might be surprised at what it is saying to you.
 
With best wishes for a healthier you,
Happy Easter from
 
The Castle Lady
 
 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Just One of Those Days...

Big smile.

I keep watching J.R. Smith's big moment from more than a month ago. You know the one from January 3rd...

I'm having one of those- all day I hope. Have a good night !

The Castle Lady

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Separating the Sheep from the Elephants


      I read something recently that made me retract an early aspiration to have a memory like an elephant. With the original saying the connotation was a positive one with the idea that never forgetting something is an asset to living an intelligent and productive life. Just seeing the same animal in a different situation can really open your eyes. The following is an account in a newsletter from my real estate man:
     Backstage at the circus, a visitor noticed the elephants were kept in place by nothing stronger than a thin rope that tied one leg to a stake in the ground. Puzzled, he asked the trainer what prevented these awesome, powerful animals from just snapping the rope.
     The trainer described how the elephants are tied with a strong rope from a young age when they're much smaller and weaker. They get so accustomed to the fact that they can't break free, eventually they stop trying. When they're fully grown, they never attempt to pull themselves free because they have such powerful memories of the strong rope.
     This impressed me so much I read it over several times, then I realized why. People are like this with sin. Most people don't consciously choose to sin- no matter whether of the ten commandments or the more than three hundred other laws which the Torah outlines and addresses as perhaps more subtle but no less destructive rebellions against God. The truth is that when it comes to sin we are first tempted, then perhaps goaded and eventually trapped in sin. In Galatians 5:1 it states: Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free and do not be entangled again with the yoke of bondage.
     Jesus read from Isaiah 61 in the synagogue of his home town of Nazareth:
        The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted; To proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord. ( Luke 2:18 )
     I'm certain that Jesus must have emphasized the words- proclaim liberty to the captives- because being set free from sin is the strongest key we have to living a victorious Christian life and the very Kingdom of Heaven. Being spiritually free is the most exhilarating freedom. Your mind is no longer a doormat for name-calling. All your past sins have been forgiven so you don't want to go back to them or have them in your life. The slate is clean and you can start afresh without any encumbrance of the past and any folly which stopped you before including memories of the past life of sin.
    To close I thought I'd use a poem I found in the magazine Meggido Message which was attributed to anonymous:
Have you become a prisoner of your mind?
Has it built bars of steel, with you behind?
Have anger, fear and worry forged the bars
That keep you from the glory of the stars?
You've bound yourself- old hurts and vain regrets,
Old failures that the stronger man forgets;
Oh, show your strength ! Cast off the ball and chain !

Forget the past! The future lies ahead!
Before you like a dream life's vista spread.
You can be free, it all depends on you !
With thoughts you mold your life, the things you do.
Material circumstances, ill or well,
Are just an outgrowth of the thoughts that dwell
Within your mind. Heal now those ancient scars
And keep before you the glory of the stars! 
The Castle Lady
with bundles of glorious valentine kisses !

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Advice


Gifts are great but they tend to get eaten up, wither away or get put away in a box and forgotten. My best advice is simply this...



because 

Hugs and kisses from
The Castle Lady



Thursday, January 24, 2013

2012- Phew!

     Without writing a long drawn out newsletter of the problems or even my current situation I wanted to tell everyone what the past year has been like and it seems that the old adage may be true after all. It's simply this: a picture is worth a thousand words.

The year started out something like this:

 
and ended up more like this:

 and I'm still trying to get it all untangled.

The Castle Lady

has plenty of resources ! 




Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Norway- A Year in Retrospect

The United States has had more than its share of gun violence this year. I don't really have the desire to list all of it but I thought it might help get more of this into perspective to take a look on the other side of the world where they are grieving still at the tragedy in Norway. On July 22, 2011 a right-wing extremist picked up an assault weapon and killed no less than 77 people- eight at a Government building by bombing and 69 summer campers on Utoya Island. Most of his victims were mere teenagers. For this heinous, premeditated attack that was clearly a case of political terrorism he received a sentence of only 21 years this past summer after he made sure he was declared sane before he went to trial. Instead of showing any remorse over this act he was allowed to speak at the sentencing. He basically told everyone that his only remorse was that he didn't kill more people and apologized to his 'militant nationalist constituents' for not achieving an even higher death toll.
 
     This is the true profile of what I call a monster in society. They are not dangerous to themselves- only those who disagree with them or they perceive to be some type of threat. A pretrial assessment that this man is sane, however, is a travesty that becomes a necessity when we realize that there are certain criminals who cannot be rehabilitated with any assurance that they would be safe for society. I cannot even begin to understand how someone becomes this evil and I'm sure that in some ways I don't want to know. We can't afford not to try to understand, however. It has become too prevalent, persistent and rampant.
 
     I'm not that interested in stopgap procedures for trying to curtail an epidemic that is out of control. Gun laws are in many ways so insufficient that it seems to have no effect. We already have gun laws in the U.S. and yet it didn't stop this from being a record breaking year for all types of gun violence. When I read about the trial this past summer in Norway there was an article on the shoot out in New York City (between a lone gunman and police in which 9 innocent people were shot just by being in the line of fire) right next to it. Obviously, guns do not stand trial- but people do and should for these acts, premeditated or otherwise. Should we take guns out of the hands of the police force? Then what ?
 
     Perhaps gun laws should be studied a little closer for the actual uses and more control should be exerted on gun makers- particularly those who make assault weapons. Instead of having several factions as separate entities, fighting over civil rights specters, we should have all (gun makers and owners, law enforcement, politicians, law makers and victims of violence) come together to make agreements about how we're going to deal with the fact that too many innocent people are being blown away by guns that were intended for war. This makes more sense than letting only people who feel more secure by owning guns to lead the way with the NRA and other gun rights coalitions. Obviously, gun laws affect all of us so we should all have a voice in what types of laws are dispensed by our government. It's the only right and fair choice for a democracy.
 
     Remember the 70s adage When guns are outlawed then only outlaws will have guns?  This is not passé. It has become a reality. Let's all vow that in 2013 we're going to turn violence around and start dealing with the people who perpetrate it. It's imperative that we do it now.
 
 
Sincerely submitted by
 
The Castle Lady

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Improving Your Memory

       One of the most common complaints I hear from the people around me is that they have trouble remembering important information such as names, dates and even in the process of doing household concerns from room to room (i.e. I came in here for something but now I can't remember what it was). I occasionally have trouble remembering people's names if I don't purposely use my secret device for memorizing. It's so easy almost no one would think it works. When I first hear a name I repeat it in my mind and try to associate it with someone of a similar or the same name. Then I make up a sentence in my mind using that person's name and if it rhymes, all the better. Then I make sure I repeat the person's name before I leave their presence and it reinforces my being able to repeat it when I need to say it the next time I see them. The reason why it works is because you engage different parts of your brain in the process of engaging your memory resources. You'll find it is not so complex once you try it but consciously making an effort to go through the process of remembering requires practice just like everything else. Some people are referred to as having a lazy mind if they don't utilize these efforts. To me, it's just making memorizing a good habit.
     Last year I came across an article written by Madonna Behen who also has a systematic way of improving memory. Her seven points are good and even seem a little unconventional which may help or hinder you depending on the way in which your brain memorizes data and images. Her technique is the result of interviewing experts on cognition and aging but much of the following has more to do with tapping your brains resources than trying to beat the clock on a so-called aging brain.
     Her first point was basically to paint mental pictures. She interviewed a self-proclaimed world memory champion by the name of Ed Cooke to tackle remembering names. His advice was to make the memorization process as vivid as possible. The examples were the following:
        To remember the name Andrew Bush you can picture a bush with lots of hands in it. To memorize the name Martin Van Buren you could visualize a Martian in a van that's burning !
     Rather flamboyant ways work for some but not for everyone. It may be worth a try for yourself. Get back to me on that !
     Her second point touches on learning large bodies of text that you may need to take tests with or it's crucial to keep the details well in your mind. In this case she says to switch things up which means to convert the reading material into a typeface that you don't necessarily use much or even like. The reasoning behind this tactic is that by being a little more difficult or challenging to read it will make you focus better on the actual material. Apparently a study done by psychologists at Princeton and Indiana University did various studies with adult groups divided into two. One group read in a popular typeface and the others in fonts that were unfamiliar to them. The latter mentioned group did significantly better on tests of the material than the first group.
     This may not work at all for people with dyslexia. Apparently, it's enough of a challenge reading plain, ordinary text because of their visual to brain disorder so the preference for plain writing may be crucial to understanding at all. If you have any reason to suspect that this is a problem you may want to be tested for dyslexia.   
     Thirdly, verbalizing data such as names can also be extremely helpful- as I mentioned in my own technique- because it aids in strengthening the neural connections in our brains. She quoted a Pomona College psychologist by the name of Deborah Burke:
     "The reason names are so problematic is that there's no way around it, while with other words you can usually substitute something else."  She cited rehearsing the persons name and speaking it out loud as a way of reinforcing memory.
     On the fourth point she used an old adage of use it or lose it. Exercising the brain in other ways than the norm and making it a challenge can help immeasurably. One way to do so is by taking up learning new languages- not just one other. If you are bilingual, adding another language is optimal and increases your overall use of language in the same way playing a game of scrabble can increase your use of one. This also helps strengthen connections in our brain.
     Her fifth point chocks up a notch for social media especially if it involves one-on-one communication. Book clubs are extremely beneficial but she also mentioned online communication, which obviously involves texting rather than oral communication, such as Twitter and Facebook. I have amazed myself a couple of times IM'ing to people in quite a few different languages. Even though I am not verbally fluent in Portuguese I have had no trouble with online chatting with my friends in South America. It's clear that there's something to this which no one has made obvious. Apparently, though, written communication, according to Madonna, increases language production.
     The sixth way is something no one would even guess. It's simple. Go for a walk. Backed by Gary Kennedy of Montefiore Medical Center in New York, Madonna wrote that exercise helps the brain sprout new connections between neurons, simply put. It is especially true in the part of the brain called the hippocampus which controls the working memory and it is the part that is most susceptible to problems from aging. Studies have suggested that regular exercise might slow or prevent memory deterioration. The University of Pittsburgh study for adults in their 60s basically took brisk, 40-minute walks three times a week and scored better on memory tests than the same age group who were sedentary. 
     Lastly, the best deal was getting a good night's sleep. If you do such things as cram for tests you may be doing more harm than good for your education. The backfire to this sort of stopgap scholarship is that it can leave you fuzzy minded and unclear in your thinking. The other problem is that interrupted sleep can also impair your abilities and cause other problems physically. Getting a full eight to ten hours of sleep was not nearly as effective as less sleep time without interruption.
     In a sidebar to Madonna's article there was a special comparison list to determine if you or someone you love may be experiencing the beginnings of Alzheimer's disease. On a split between true signs of the disease and normal age-related changes it lists Alzheimer's characteristics as:
        Poor judgment and decision making, consistently.
        Inability to manage a simple budget.
        Losing track of the date or the season constantly.
        Difficulty having  or following a conversation.
        Misplacing things and being unable to retrace steps to find them.
 
     Typical age-related changes would involve occasionally making a bad decision, missing a monthly payment but rarely, forgetting which day it is and remembering it later. It is also normal for those approaching advanced age to forget words or which word to use, specifically and losing or leaving personal effects behind occasionally. My own criteria involves seeing anything unusual in the behavior that would indicate a drastic change. My mother used to call her own children by each others names sometimes crossing into the other genders! She might call me by my sister's name but my brother could also be called by her name as well and she was a young woman at the time. She was the typical absent-minded, artistic genius. She never did cross over into Alzheimer's but many of the things she did and encountered in her life would have indicated that she had early Alzheimer's. At any rate, getting lost just walking around the block should make bells go off.
     I hope this was helpful and if you have any other suggestions or ideas feel free to put them in the comments.
 
The Castle Lady
 
with the latest advice !
      
 
 
 

Thursday, December 27, 2012

School shootings ~ where did it all begin and when will it end ?


     While the entire country is still reeling from the shock of what happened two weeks ago, early on Friday morning, I have been going down memory lane recalling similar inexplicable shootings that have spanned more than three decades. It seems to have escalated in the past couple of years and in reality it has just been a deluge that is increasing with time. In short, this is not a recent phenomenon. When Obama says that this has happened too many times in our country he's saying a mouthful. It is so saddening to think that with all the opportunities, blessings and wealth in this country we cannot seem to get past our societal ills enough to start tackling this particular insidious problem in the way that we should.
     The first outcry from the media, politicians and special interest groups is that the availability of guns is the culprit. It doesn't help- that's for certain. I would remind everyone, however, that people are responsible for the actual use of guns and there is too much irresponsibility on the part of adults and not enough caution taught to our children. It seems that no one wants to look at the real issue which is the actual people who are picking up tactical and assault weapons. If you Google the word shootings you'll get a long list of individuals who come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages and backgrounds. These are people that shouldn't have weapons available to them at all. How would we disarm them if we can't even get a profile on them ?
     Let's go back to where I believe this all started. If someone can remember an incident prior to the January 1979 shooting in San Diego by a sixteen year old teenager, Brenda Spencer, please come forward to correct me. The details can be found on this link if you need to refresh your memory... 
     The callousness of this so-called flagrant act was a type of shield to the underlying mental problems and societal phenomenon that absolutely no one in a court of law can support in good conscience. In addition, it is an automatic dismissal in taking responsibility for how this type of human being becomes a creature subhuman to our sensibilities because they can perpetrate horrific violence when they themselves are in pain. Many parental adults promote and prize deflection and outright denial instead of teaching their children to take emotional responsibility for their actions. They do it without even thinking about what they are teaching their children. When these children or young adults try to navigate their immediate adolescent society, everything must be put back upright. Most likely they can begin to feel manipulated instead of being able to take control. I imagine it is much worse now than when I experienced it as a teenager. This problem has become much more complex since that time.
     In all the commentaries I have read in newspapers and online this single sentence written by the Catholic Archbishop of Denver stood out more than all the rest:  
"We're most often the victims of evil when we become objects- used for someone's else's purposes- instead of treated with the inherent dignity that comes just from being a person." 
Samuel J. Aquila
     The most difficult part of acknowledgement of these crimes is that the perpetrators are victims as well. Even if they are their own victim it doesn't help to view them as anything less than human themselves. We do not want to believe that we are capable of such an act, especially when it is perpetrated against the most helpless human beings we can think of- which are children. Were Brenda or Adam adults ? Was T.J. Lane's motivation similar in Ohio this February ? Was Jacob Roberts a local to Clackamas, OR ?  Was James viewed as a mental patient prior to the shooting in Aurora ? Was James Huberty, originally from Canton, OH, merely following a teenager's example when he left his house in San Ysidro, CA in 1984, telling his wife that he was 'hunting humans' and returned to the McDonald's he had stopped at earlier in the day with his wife and children and opened fire on the customers killing 21 people, wounding 19? Among that carnage were four young children. All of the above mentioned had numerous assault weapons. They also have one other attribute in common.
     They all fell through the cracks of early detection. I believe every one of the massacres I have mentioned here could have been prevented. If you read more about these individuals as human beings who started out life as a child and grew up to be the aberration which makes them cold bolded killers you will be a little closer to actually solving this problem. There is no sense in bringing in the strictest of gun laws and not dealing with the mental problems of these human beings. If you watch the following video- paying particular attention to the blonde woman, Pat Busher, who speaks about four minutes into it -you'll hear a very sensitive and meaningful response to this issue.
     I agree with her wholeheartedly that we must institute more and better qualified intervention systems than we presently have in place. Our social services offices are swamped with cases and run by people unqualified to handle or even identify the individuals I have mentioned. If they were qualified they would still need more staff to effectively handle the caseloads. Many cases of child abuse exacerbate to the point of the deaths of many children and the numbers in the Denver area are staggering. If the loss of twenty extremely young lives is not enough to wake us up to the root problem I don't know what will except something far worse. At present, I can't imagine what that would be and I don't want to find out.
     The other part to the solution is that parents need to be more involved with their children and those children who associate with their children. We all know, down deep, what to do to make sure our kids are safe, happy and yes, well adjusted.       

With deep concern,
The Castle Lady 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Recession ? Rescission !


      As a proud owner of a vintage copy of What Color is Your Parachute ? for going on twenty-six years now you'd think that I would've purchased a brand new copy since it is updated every year. Always jam-packed with great quotes, illustrations (some of castles!), great job hunting ideas, self-help tests and self-evaluation tools and much more, Parachute will help you find out how to get back to working or revitalize your life with a new career. Even for a self-employed person, which I have been most of my life, the information contained between the covers has been precious. The perpetual author is Richard N. Bolles who always welcomes criticisms and suggestions as to what he should do with his revision next year. He has been writing and rewriting this marvel of publishing since 1977 and the reading is delightfully uplifting. There is no dreary advice in it which instructs you to snap out of anything or to simply pick yourself up and dust yourself off. As a matter of fact, Dick's style is so positive that it is absolutely infectious and really helps you get those cognitive juices going again. 
     I have had the opportunity to peruse the 2013 edition recently which I borrowed from the library and noticed immediately on the cover that over 10 million copies of this book have been sold to date! I expected to see a lot of similarities with the revision but, in fact, it is practically a completely different book with plenty of online resources of which my 1986 edition is bereft. Online references were rather non-existent with the amount of technology readily available to the average consumer at that time. (There is one brief chapter for instructions on setting a priority grid (spreadsheet) on a computer other than an Apple with BASIC in the 1986 edition !)  
     The new book provides plenty of practical information alongside quizzes and worksheets to help you on job interviews, how to network, using social media, writing resumes, negotiating salaries or starting your own business along with prodigious encouragement throughout the book but especially in the Pink Pages which are located in the back of the book. Pink pages seem like a  reference for your individuality and trump cards for the rough road of getting back into the workforce. There is a lot more information on networking and the self evaluation worksheets have taken on a brilliant organization that is admirable. Mr. Bolles never claimed to be a literary maven and in this new version he explains in one portion of the preface why he often uses the English language in such an unorthodox fashion. Apparently he has garnered a plethora of disrespect from unemployed English teachers.
     With the 2013 revision, it is obvious to me that Dick has made a true mission of bringing each reader into a frame of mind that will help them find their bliss in employment. That alone is worth taking a look at and this book is not confined to those who are unemployed. It may well help you get out of the rut you are in now and help you find a job or employment which will give you the fulfillment you need in your life. Can we expect that in this shaky economy ? The answer to that can be found in the lyrics of a Tracy Chapman song:
If not now- then when?
With high hopes !

Friday, November 30, 2012

An idea for a new reality show...

It's called Sparring with the Stars !
What do you think ?

In a rare mood,

The Castle Lady