Recently, on one of my morning walks the above question just popped into my mind while I was mulling over another grief episode concerning my Mom. It has come to my attention, over these months, that if anyone was truly close to my mother, during her life, it was myself. I can unequivocally state that we were best friends above all else. I could tell her anything and I don't remember ever being chided by her for my thoughts- no matter how far they strayed from being friendly. Only one time did my openness come under the heading of friendly fire and she weathered it with unbelievable grace and blinking. I remember apologizing to her later for being too brutal and she openly forgave me without saying anything recriminating. It occurred to me that I might be wrong about her, after the smoke cleared. It certainly taught me something about my conscience.
Everything I am about is conscience and seeking to do the right thing in the right way. My conscience is in my blood and this is probably apparent to some people that I associate with and not to people who know very little about me. When I meet people for the first time who don't know anything about me I read them and their thoughts like a book but that comes with a price. They used to say a person is 'wearing their thoughts (or heart ) on their sleeve.' That's good but it can also be dangerous. Trust is the main issue and it is sorely lacking in 2013. People don't talk like they used to and neighborhoods can be more about keeping one's distance than finding loving brotherhood with your next door neighbor. When people distance themselves from their conscience they have no compass for compassion and empathy with other people. How can you know someone's intentions when you are clueless about your own ?
If I may go even one step further, you can know yourself very well- inside and out- and still not really understand someone's motivations, heartaches or trials. I remember being personally outraged by people discussing crime cases in the news as if what they were reading had to be the real truth or those who went with the general consensus of guilt adamantly. When I questioned such people I discovered that they hadn't really contemplated their ideas at all and had blindly followed the thoughts of the crowd, repeating almost word for word what had already been said on the news or erroneously reported in the paper. Errors are rife everywhere and on the internet, if you don't mind my saying so.
It may be said in a flip or serious manner that people no longer have a conscience but I beg to differ. I know everyone has a conscience but I think many people have punched the mute button and simply forgot to turn it back on. If it really bugs you maybe you ought to stop for a minute and really listen to it. You might be surprised at what it is saying to you.
With best wishes for a healthier you,
Happy Easter from
The Castle Lady