Saturday, October 26, 2013

A Complete Person

     Last year, in June, a Marie Claire magazine article stated that 32% of women in the U.S. between the ages of 50 and 55 were unmarried. It expounded on the world of singleness for women as being much more liberated from past conventions than at any other time in history. The stories of several women pointed out that they had not always been single or unattached but had found life better in a singular state than that of dating or being married. I enjoyed the article because I suppose it made me feel more reassured that all the questions and remarks I have fielded over the years about my singleness were now as outdated as calling someone a spinster at a certain age. I have taken that guff for granted all my life, so much so, that I'm not about to start worrying or caring about it now. I don't have a remembrance of ever feeling as if anything was missing in my life- from the time I was fifteen years of age up to the present- by not being engaged or married. Dating is still of interest to me so I am not a hermit-type and I honestly don't feel I need someone to accompany me to go anywhere unless they just want to come along for the ride or vice-versa for that matter. 
     Apparently, this is a concept that the rest of the world couldn't even fathom up to only a few years ago. Meanwhile, I have obliviously continued on with living my life- working, traveling, writing and checking out this ever fascinating world we live in without caring whether a male was by my side or not. I can go either way but I don't understand the imperative need of companionship. My singularity has reached a vintage that is heady, exhilarating and even empowering.
     After putting down the magazine I started thinking about where I'd seen indicators that someone might think I was not normal or for me to question myself of where I fit into society- bite my tongue ! How many of you out there remember the movie Jerry Maguire in which Tom Cruise (who played the title role) stated to Renee Zellweger who played Dorothy- these three words which took on a life all their own for chick flicks then and on into the future. They were: "You complete me." I remind myself that he said those words- not his girlfriend- who betrays herself by rejoindering, "You had me at hello."
     While the rest of sisterdom broke out in tears or even began to cheer I sat there with a totally puzzled look and asked myself, "Whaaat?" How does someone complete another person? If you are feeling shattered or incomplete no one is going to repair you with a proposal. I am going to say this here and now and I don't care if anyone likes it or not. If you do not bring a whole and entire person into a marriage relationship then you are going to be that relationship's weakest link. Furthermore, that relationship is not going to complete, re-solder or mend your broken pieces. Humpty Dumpty was left hanging by all the King's horses and all the King's men, remember?
     I don't think my resolve will ever be a popular decision. Remaining single is no picnic. It's difficult being chief cook and bottle washer to you and yourself alone but it does have its perks. However, this is not the kind of life for most people and I won't recommend it either. It states in the Bible that it is not good for man to be alone and I think that equally applies to women. You can carry something away from my elaborate tirade today, however, no matter what state you find yourself in- married, dating seriously, living together or precariously single. If a relationship isn't going well or you're thinking that being single might better suit you, be prepared for some soul-searching and being about the business of learning to like and then, ultimately, love yourself. Learn to listen to your inner dialogue. Examine your head and determine if you really know where your life is headed and if you want to continue the way you are or stop and do something entirely different. The possibilities are endless and it's one of the most wonderful aspects of remaining single. Goodnight- and good luck !
Completely wild about you !
The Castle Lady  

1 comment:

dellgirl said...

Great post and very well said. Now that you've clarified this, it brings to mind an answer to why the divorce rate is so high these days.

Too many relationships/marriages are entered into by incomplete people.