Call me a softy or a romantic but I still feel very much that when a man pays attention to me there is an attraction and I should pay attention to his overtures. I feel I'm rather unique because women are now encouraged to be very aggressive and they are generally not shy about approaching men boldly with lines as bad as were used on women by pick-up artists in bars only a decade or two ago. There's nothing particularly dishonest about it and they are obviously as desperate as the Desperate Housewives of TV fame. However, I find it distasteful and unnatural to be quite honest.
Recently while I was looking through the curriculum of a community college newsletter I came across one titled "Get the Girl Now". The description was as follows:
If you freeze when you approach women, spoil them but they still want the jerks, never play games but women leave you for players or banish you to being 'just friends', this class is for you. Learn three quick ways to connect with women, one sure way to know if she's interested, two ways to get a date without asking, and more. Dating coach KP will share how you can become the man women want, while staying true to your own individuality. Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, calls KP "a bright guy". One of KP's students commented, "Thank you, I've used the exercises and noticed a big difference in the way women respond to me. Great confidence builders!"
While I can appreciate that an extremely shy man could use a boost to his confidence I 'm not sure I would want to see anybody try to build their self-esteem on whether they can properly attact the opposite sex or not. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that teaching this guy to be something he is not?
I sometimes feel as though I may be making myself unapproachable but I assume the right man is going to recognize the kind of person I am and decide for himself whether there is any chemistry. (Now, there's something you can't figure out easily over the internet!)
Here' what I think should happen.
I think the really aggressive women should stop going after the obvious types who are as bold as they are and give some of these shy ones a chance. It would certainly get the pressure off these poor guys for awhile and maybe the association will help them come out of their shells.
Now, I'm not a shy woman but I just don't go chasing after men and you won't make me change my mind. I spent too many years trying to outrun and outsmart the jerks so I hedge a little if I catch even a whiff of jerky behavior. Most of my married friends insist that they married a jerk so I guess that's why I never was married.I often wonder if I was born on the right planet.
That being said I would like to put forth a little of my own advice for those men who feel that they aren't getting a fair chance with single women they have their eye on. I am single after all and I think I know how I would like to be approached by eligible men.
The three quickest ways to connect with a women are:
1. Open up your mouth and talk to her. We're human just like you. Most of us can converse quite well.
2. Ask if we'd like to make a date for coffee or a drink or even a meal. (Do have a restaurant in mind when you ask, as having a favorite restaurant will get you instant respect.)
3. If she gives you a phone number, call her. If she didn't give you her phone number there's a good reason why, which she didn't want to tell you. Don't take it personal and don't assume she doesn't have a boyfriend. She probably does. She also may not be interested in which case it's best to move on.
One thing is for sure though, if you don't ask for a date, you won't get a date. You may get several other things but you won't get a date. My parting advice is if you want to keep your individuality then just be yourself. You may be more interesting than you can imagine. As a man you don't have outposts in any woman's head so you are always friend material (at the worst) but a friend with the potential to be a whole lot more so be friendly! Hostility and criticism will get you no where with a good women. Trust me.
With affectionate praise,
The Castle Lady