Friday, August 17, 2007

Not your typical woman

It is from reading Joseph Conrad, extensively, that I finally realized I am not a typical woman. It's possible I never will be because I seem to inspire more fear than love. This is only my conclusion but I have a lot of emotional evidence to prove my theory.

Here are some typical passages by Conrad from his books:

The sincerest of women will make no unnecessary confidences to a man. And this is as it should be.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

As to honor- you know- it's a very fine medieval inheritance which women never got a hold of. It wasn't theirs. Since it may be laid as a general principle that women always get what they want, we must suppose they didn't want it.

We could not stand women speaking the truth. We could not bear it. It would cause infinite misery and bring about most awful disturbances in this rather mediocre, but still idealistic fool's paradise in which each of us lives his own little life- the unit in the great sum of existence and they know it. They are merciful.

A woman may be a fool, a sleepy fool, an agitated fool, a too awfully noxious fool, and she may even be simply stupid. But she is never dense. She's never made of wood through and through as some men are. There is in woman always, somewhere , a spring. Whatever men don't know about women (and it may be a lot, or it may be very little), men and even fathers do know that much. That is why so many men are afraid of them.

- from Chance

Women find their inspiration in the stress of moments that for us are merely awful, absurd or futile.

- from Lord Jim

I am quite possibly one of the few females who have made the grave error- twice now- of confiding secrets to the wrong men, thinking they were "safe". This grave error constitutes that I most likely need a confidant but have found no one worthy. I am either the worst kind of scoundrel or a saint, according to Conrad. However, I don't see myself as either one.

For the first half of my life I was surrounded by females with their ideas, ways and proclivities too much, merely out of professional necessity. Dealing with men is a refreshing change for me. Unfortunately, I have this annoying habit of sticking with the truth. Apparently, it rankles everybody, both genders certainly. No man has ever been afraid of me because I was a fool- quite the opposite! Lastly, some of my best writing has come out of a beautiful, simple and apprising moment. I call it an apercu! I can certainly write about horrible or awful occurrences but I wouldn't exactly refer to it as "inspired" writing. Quite the opposite, actually.

Perhaps the only quote from Conrad which bothers me is the idea that some coquettish woman, buttering up some poor male sap with her flattering nonsense, is considered merciful. Lies aren't merciful. They are the principal sin in this world and in the next. You can quote me on that.

I can quite honestly say there are some women I detest because they redefined our role to that of dependence, immaturity and factitiousness. It is not just galling to strong women, either. Even men are beginning to bristle at these ways simply because they have started to feel a need for a true helpmate- not a playmate!

The Castle Lady will embrace you with the lovely truth!

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