Where Does the Time Go ?

     I've spent the better part of  two years working on detailed researching, cataloguing, writing about and gathering photos of England's castles. I am halfway finished with England and then I have North and South Wales to work on after that to make my web site complete before my book comes out. Once I saw how large the project really was, I still felt up to the task and haven't lost any energy for it but this project has outrun my financial fortitude and I am wondering if I'll be able to continue at the speed I've been going.

     I put a lot of detail in my http://castlelady.spaces.live.com blog which will eventually be transferred onto my www.ilovecastles.com official site for the readers of my books to find out more information both historically and for additional particulars. I plan on making ilovecastles.com the most comprehensive data base on the web for castle information, photos and pertinent particulars for travelers and enthusiasts.

     In charting my daily work, I have done basic research for eight countries but the real work is beyond basic research and into the realm of hunting and tracking down locations, photos or images and finding out the histories. Without the history some of the mystique of the various castles are lost. Some are enigmatic enough without it but we trace many of the origins of modern architecture by knowing what stories contribute to the current look of castles, manor homes and renaissance castles. When I covered Belvoir just a few months ago is a prime example.

     During the latter part of last year I started to get a lot of queries at my castlelady live space blog about the nomenclature concerning medieval castles and determined that it is time for me to write an entry on the terms about the castles which I admit can be confusing at times. Many of the words are medieval so it's no wonder that people become a little perplexed. A moat is not a motte, and a motte is not moat even if they do sound alike. If you are sincerely interested in castles then it is essential that you start reading some good books on castles of the coffee table variety. I can recommend some really good ones and I have a few on my castlelady live space blog under the book list. My books are intended to help the people who have already done their homework and they want to get out there and experience the actual castles for themselves !

     With my current financial status I'm going to have to make some changes real soon involving making serious money. I plan on having an auction again on my castlelady live space blog but in the interim it's just too pressing a matter to keep hinging any real chance of income on this source. Besides that, the auction - especially for The Castle Lady collage- was meant to be for fun. I never intended for it to be a serious money maker but it's a great promotion. That was my feeling when I first started it.

     What you can expect to see this year is a wonderful section on the official site for England which may only get put up halfway but it will be a great start. You will get a chance to see me complete all my research for  England- God willing and the crick doesn't rise ! - on the castlelady live space blog and maybe you will even be the lucky and prosperous owner of a totally unique Castlelady framed photo collage which all your friends and family will "ooh and aah" at for many years to come. I'm hoping you will also have the privilege of being a proud owner of the first book in my Castle Lover's Guides series - The Castle Lover's Guide to England and Wales. If you see me waving at you from your TV screen on PBS, the Travel Channel, Discovery or similar it will be because I finally found the right agent !

 

The Castle Lady says Mwwaah ! 

Why We Shouldn't Worry About Another 9/11

     Just recently I had a conversation with several travel agencies and found out something I have apparently been oblivious to since my wonderful castles tour I took in September 2001. They seem to think that the industry dried up because of 9/11 but I flew roundtrip to the same airport ( Dulles ) the next year in 2002 on my first foray to Washington, D.C. (This was one of the airports the fatal planes were flown from on 9/11. I flew through Dulles Airport on my trip to Paris for the start of my grand castles tour and flew back through it on my way back home after a week delay. )  I flew again in 2004 to Nashville ( with a brief layover in Chicago on the flight out ) and back with no incidents and I flew three times roundtrip in 2005 through Indianapolis twice and to Albuquerque, N.M. These were all without incidents or delays and there was heavy traffic with each and every flight.

     I suppose my point is that since I got caught right in the middle of all the delays, the worries and sadness of the horrible incident that I would be the most likely candidate to stop traveling altogether and never set foot on a plane again. I never have been much for fear but I am a common sense person to the "nth" degree. Obviously none of it has put a damper on my spirit for adventure and travel. I don't know how the average traveler feels but I've had a lot of company on all my travel since and no one has seemed especially tense through any of it including the travel professionals (i.e. Stewardesses, reservationists, baggage handlers, pilots etc. ) 

     People tend to forget that the real milestone in terrorism on our shores started with the killings in Atlanta in 1996 during the Olympic Games. Someone was falsely accused of the murders and the whole thing was not only tragic but also embarrassing. It was embarrassing especially ( I should think !) to the people who almost bungled the investigation. We want to know that these type of terrorist attacks can be arrested before they even happen. That's only in the movies, sorry!

     The only reassurance I can give to my fellow Americans is this- if you shorten and limit your experiences based on the fear of what might happen you're letting terrorists win a victory before they've ever taken a look at your face. It's important to know what fears are valid and which ones are irrational because these are our instincts as intelligent human beings. It's up to us to decide what those are but don't let farfetched possibilities take a foothold in how you make decisions about your life. Keep the faith. Carry on. Show our true enemies that terror is not in our vocabulary anymore.

Blessed kisses from The Castle Lady !

Everything is always impossible before it works.

That is what entrepreneurs are all about-

doing what people have told them is impossible.

- Hunt Greene

 

The" Get the Girl Now" Game

Call me a softy or a romantic but I still feel very much that when a man pays attention to me there is an attraction and I should pay attention to his overtures. I feel I'm rather unique because women are now encouraged to be very aggressive and they are generally not shy about approaching men boldly with lines as bad as were used on women by pick-up artists in bars only a decade or two ago. There's nothing particularly dishonest about it and they are obviously as desperate as the Desperate Housewives of TV fame. However, I find it distasteful and unnatural to be quite honest.

Recently while I was looking through the curriculum of a community college newsletter I came across one titled "Get the Girl Now". The description was as follows:

If you freeze when you approach women, spoil them but they still want the jerks, never play games but women leave you for players or banish you to being 'just friends', this class is for you. Learn three quick ways to connect with women, one sure way to know if she's interested, two ways to get a date without asking, and more. Dating coach KP will share how you can become the man women want, while staying true to your own individuality. Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, calls KP "a bright guy". One of KP's students commented, "Thank you, I've used the exercises and noticed a big difference in the way women respond to me. Great confidence builders!"

While I can appreciate that an extremely shy man could use a boost to his confidence I 'm not sure I would want to see anybody try to build their self-esteem on whether they can properly attact the opposite sex or not. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that teaching this guy to be something he is not?

I sometimes feel as though I may be making myself unapproachable but I assume the right man is going to recognize the kind of person I am and decide for himself whether there is any chemistry. (Now, there's something you can't figure out easily over the internet!)

Here' what I think should happen.

I think the really aggressive women should stop going after the obvious types who are as bold as they are and give some of these shy ones a chance. It would certainly get the pressure off these poor guys for awhile and maybe the association will help them come out of their shells.

Now, I'm not a shy woman but I just don't go chasing after men and you won't make me change my mind. I spent too many years trying to outrun and outsmart the jerks so I hedge a little if I catch even a whiff of jerky behavior. Most of my married friends insist that they married a jerk so I guess that's why I never was married.I often wonder if I was born on the right planet.

That being said I would like to put forth a little of my own advice for those men who feel that they aren't getting a fair chance with single women they have their eye on. I am single after all and I think I know how I would like to be approached by eligible men.

The three quickest ways to connect with a women are:

1. Open up your mouth and talk to her. We're human just like you. Most of us can converse quite well.

2. Ask if we'd like to make a date for coffee or a drink or even a meal. (Do have a restaurant in mind when you ask, as having a favorite restaurant will get you instant respect.)

3. If she gives you a phone number, call her. If she didn't give you her phone number there's a good reason why, which she didn't want to tell you. Don't take it personal and don't assume she doesn't have a boyfriend. She probably does. She also may not be interested in which case it's best to move on.

One thing is for sure though, if you don't ask for a date, you won't get a date. You may get several other things but you won't get a date. My parting advice is if you want to keep your individuality then just be yourself. You may be more interesting than you can imagine. As a man you don't have outposts in any woman's head so you are always friend material (at the worst) but a friend with the potential to be a whole lot more so be friendly! Hostility and criticism will get you no where with a good women. Trust me.

With affectionate praise,

The Castle Lady

The Hollywood Writer's Strike

and other scribe's struggles!

If publishers, newspapers, magazines, movie and television production companies had to start paying writers a wage they deserve they'd have to cut their other budgets infinitesimally. When I think budgets~ in an indirect way ~ I'm specifically saying allotments toward various people on their payrolls. If you actually eyeballed such a thing~ their payroll that is~ you'd see a very uneven and unfair distribution of funds. I don't know how much hype the numbers are for actors and actresses but it's quite apparent that they are garnering more than the " lion's share" of pay while the writers take in unbelievably low amounts.

When I think of how much work goes into writing- research, travel, paperwork, rough drafts and all the various draft stages plus rewrites- and sometimes photography- in scripts, books, newspapers, cereal boxes, anthologies, biographies etc. it makes me cringe to think how little I might make- if anything (for a freelance writer!) In short, no one will ever work so hard for so little money like they will as a writer. Best-selling authors are rare, despite what the media would have you believe but they also have their stories of hardship for anyone willing to listen to how long it took for them to get taken seriously and start making money.

I've heard a lot of snide references to the writer's strike in Hollywood on TV by people other than the top echelon money makers. They don't mince any words when they talk about them but how many know what it takes just to get where they are and who would be willing to take the paltry pay they get- comparatively speaking. In my own case, a couple of woodpeckers outside my window are doing better than I am eating up what's left of my grapes. I'm not kidding.

I would like to see writers make the kind of money that entrepreneurs, professional athletes and (ahem!) Hollywood stars rake in! Let's face it, they've d!@# well earned it, wouldn't you say?

The Castle Lady with bestselling hugs!

www.ilovecastles.com

Do Children Still Play?

According to reports I've read recently about children's learning development in the digital age many former learning advantages- without technology- may be irreversibly lost. With all the devices children manipulate in a given day it may appear that real intellectual stimulation is almost constant. It can appear that way but one study got my attention recently with an opposing message.
Gloria DeGaetano, founder of the Parent Coaching Inst. in Bellevue, WA work with parents on raising children effectively in the current technological environment. She is suspicious of the videos and electronic games as being insufficient as preschool teaching products.
"There's an important theory in early childhood education called the 'theory of loose parts', which means that children need to manipulate objects in a three-dimensional environment to grow their brain ( s ), " she says.
"These video games and electronic toys are replacing the loose parts that kids need, and it's not the same."
Basically this means that children won't develop their brains to manipulate in the real world. The artificially created (and one dimensional) world of digital interaction is not conducive to the brain learning to create and function in the child's actual environment. My personal belief is that children, by interacting solely with P.C.s and digital devices, will be discouraged in a regular learning environment because it cannot be so easily manipulated or controlled.
There is evidence that respected videos such as Baby Einstein and Baby Genius actually slowed children's language development. Part of the reason for this is the actual interaction. Even if verbal communication is elicited by the software in question, the responses are elementary requiring no deductive reasoning or even sustained thought processes from the child. Progressive learning requires both while all that is required, often, (in video gaming especially) is rapid-fire limited choices at a hectic pace. An educational psychologist, Jane Healey, author of "Failure to Connect: How Computers Affect Our Children's Minds- and What We Can Do About It" , says she is convinced that this hectic pace of 'responses on a sensory level' can be tied to the epidemic increases in the diagnosis of ADD and feels most children should be kept away from computer screens until age 7, after their brains have had time to develop.
Much of the software is very uneven for "mind-building" so getting educated about what's out there is essential if you want to keep your kids brains developing properly. Remember that not all software is created equal- quite the contrary.
A good checklist is as follows:
1. Check to match the rating system to your child's age level.
2. Check to see if the actual content is exposing your child to elements of your choosing.
3. Decide if this is mind-building or simply a waste of time.
4. Is the game, device, MP3 or DL appropriate for your child?

Many gaming devices, such as Wii, are now physically interactive but certainly not to the point of keeping children physically fit. Your biggest challenge for developing a normal life style for your child will be getting them involved in activity which is optimal to keep them healthy and yet intellectually stimulated. If they are not involved in Jr League team sports, they should be but your child will lead the way. Moderate physical activity is the best choice- bicycling, skating, skate or snowboarding are the most popular. Competitive sports for children is so rich in choices that there should be no difficulty in finding exercise that your child will prefer and enjoy.
Whatever the choice- make sure your child gets at least thirty minutes of physical exertion everyday. Don't assume the school they attend is doing their part. Most likely they are not getting sufficient physical activity- there or off-grounds.
Ultimately the parent leads the way in this area. your sports or fitness passions will most likely get their attention and their choices will follow suit. As in everything else, let them decide but don't let them deny this area of development altogether. If you don't insist on some form of physical activity they'll suffer for it, eventually.
Making sure your child has equal amounts of physical and mental stimulation will teach them to live well-rounded lifestyles which will be retained throughout their life. Their physical and mental health will depend on it.
For more help: http://www.movingandlearning.com/

The Castle Lady, with dependable kisses !

Stress Case? Pas moi!

I found this in a magazine the other day. It was written by one of their readers.
"I'm pretty easygoing but the one thing that irritates the H#&% out of me is when people tell me to 'relax', 'calm down', or 'take it easy.' It's just so condescending and always puts me in a worse mood, no matter what" - Hila , 21

What does Hila, along with thousands upon thousands of other "easygoing" people, not seem to understand? For one, they don't really listen to anybody- least of all themselves. The suggestion of anger management to any of them would only start WWIII and hedging away from people like this is a fine art if you don't want to be affected by their ways. The toughest job for any friend of theirs is to show them how their behavior is the problem- not every one else on the planet. Their spouses have all my sympathy. If they're not married (usually they're divorced !) I hope their BFs , GFs or significant others have wings on their feet, because they'll certainly need to get away in the end.
Modern comedy tries to justify people with these attitudes that I find not to be funny and rather dangerous in a way. Many people have, by now, forgotten the "kids" movie that came out back in the 80s called "Gremlins". I believe there was even a "Gremlins 2" for those who could not get enough of this dark slapstick fantasy which ~displayed as behavior for kids~ is a nanny's or caregiver's worst nightmare. Years later we have shows on TV (such as America's Funniest Home Videos) which shows people doing downright stupid things and getting badly hurt in the process at which we are expected to laugh like hyenas. If this is entertainment I'm living on the wrong planet.
It may seem like I just went way off subject. Hear me out.
Other comedy shows and a general attitude of youths seem to be slanted toward destructive, psychotic behavior and treated as a joke therefore being justifiable. "If it's funny~ if we add a laugh track~ it's okay." Anger shows up in the little things and the big things as well. What do I mean? Being constantly slapdash about the way one handles everything is a small indication of a big anger problem. So is being abusive to a sibling- no matter how much of it goes on. Learning to dodge blows is not a part of growing up; Hello MOM !
My feeling is that the movie "Gremlins" brought out a latent or repressed anger in children that continued to proliferate through playground and other interactions to the point that now even girls wrestle and pummel each other like boys in the middle of a game of touch football- only meaner ! Anger and all it's various milder or stronger forms of expression are nearly encouraged. Jerry Springer really turned life into a pot-boiler and for what good I ask you? So that kids with camera phones can video a staged fight at school and put it on YouTube after school?
This nonsense is now considered a part of our culture but no one is really speaking out against the root of it. What we tolerate we have to learn to live with. I, for one, would rather be a hermit than put up with this behavior which fails to amuse me. Actually, it concerns me deeply. It should concern you, too. Somehow our ancestors expressed anger most of the time without pulling out a gun or convenient weapon. They spoke out without fear of retaliation. People listened to others concerns without prejudging and most of time they wanted to be reasonable not just react. People today are nearly surprised by good manners. Maybe we should start there.
Telling someone who's angry to "calm down", "take it easy" or "relax" might be their way (and is the right way ) to help someone deal with an anger problem. If you hear those words a lot you might want to consider joining an anger management group. Just a thought.
The Castle Lady with loving care, concern and many hugs !

Santa Baby

All I want for Christmas this year... uh, just send tens and twenties. Don't laugh. I can't remember the last time Santa surprised me with anything other than some small tokens here and there and, let's face it, I haven't seen the fat guy with the red suit in person for a very long time. I don't haunt malls, believe it or not, but I don't turn away nice gifts. I wouldn't turn away a nice solid contractual offer for my forthcoming books, either.

This year Santa needs to bring some more tangible circumstances rather than just plopping a few 'cadeaux' in my lap. For one, I need an agent and a good one. I could make good use of about two assistants- one to search out edible meals at regular intervals and bring them to me and another to totally reorganize my life to make it suitable for someone who travels frequently. I could use a husband and some children to stabilize my home life and make it worth having a home. Winning the lottery would clear up a huge dilemma that's been going on for far too long now and I wouldn't mind having a real vacation in a real vacation spot. (What comes to mind? Oh, Tahiti, Bora Bora or maybe Maui! )

At any rate, I gave up on waving a list underneath anybody's nose ages ago. Maybe I shouldn't have quit. It just seems to me that if you work hard enough at what you're doing people ought to recognize the fact and make some efforts to help you out, particularly if the work looks like it would help mankind in general. I guess they don't make them like that anymore. It's very hard to get the "tykes" off of the trappings of pop culture today and onto something a little more important: our mutual lives and those of our ancestors.

Who loves you better each day?

Moi, The Castle Lady!

Throw money at the problem- Please!

How many times have I heard someone say that in order to help someone in need you're better off teaching them how to get back on their feet. Teach them a skill, educate them, give them an attitude adjustment or a swift kick in the pants for not being able to get back on their feet.

Now I would be one of the first people to say that essentially it's kinder and certainly better for everyone concerned. However, we have reached a stage, economically, that is crucial. Never before have I seen such times and I think it may be the beginning of a new kind of Depression that the world is experiencing. Glutted with goods and no real cash to pay for any of it. Even basic expenses cannot be met anymore.

A very good Italian friend I have on MSN spaces, DJ Beppe has said it best- I think- in a quote from Oscar Wilde. "In these times everyone knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." That has never been more true than now and it's serious. Knowing what true value is, whether we are talking about purchases or services, makes a large difference in our lives. Many people make their decisions based on perceived value and advertising doesn't help people make the right decisions. If entertaining someone into believing one service (or product) is better than a competitor then we are not really deciding- we're merely being persuaded by false notions.

This is my advice: If you are seriously contemplating any purchase- educate yourself about the service or product. Don't assume anything based on advertising. Get to the bottom of the essential information yourself. If someone approaches their service or their product with an attitude of educating you, at least pay attention.

The only smart consumer is a well-informed one. That's worth throwing a little money at-isn't it?

Tossing kisses your way!

The Castle Lady

Phew!

Keeping the Faith?

If you've ever tried to do two very important endeavors (that are at completely different ends of the work spectrum) in the same day- day after day- you might very well understand what I have been going through this past October. I can't recall a more hectic and frustrating month in my life ever!

At one time in my life (in my twenties!) I attended college full time and had a full time job and still met myself coming back. I don't remember such a time crunch, though. I'm not sure if my energy level is different. It may be and I am unaware of it but it just seems to me that everything takes too long now! This is my perception of the problem.

All I know is that my writing time is now relegated to either the evening or morning and the remainder of my day is spent trying to hustle money from a day job I have had to return to- too bad the monetary return is so poor in comparison to what I made in the past! When did everybody become such cheapskates? Since when do you have to convince people that they need basic services?

I think this is entirely a symptom of the economic downfall that has been created by a war we didn't need, a president who does nothing but lie and a country in peril with no real protection. 9/11 didn't just change our ideas about how we are perceived by the rest of the world, it changed our lives- period. As brave and stalwart as Americans really are, at heart, it still boils down to the fact that we are being deceived by liars who are too good at what they do. In the process we have changed, too. It's what comes from believing the words of those who do not have your best interests at heart. If you continue that way eventually you don't know the difference between a lie and the truth.

My advice is to be true to yourself and then you can be truthful with others.

Heartfelt affection from The Castle Lady!

Why Do They Call Them "Royalty" Checks?

The reality of what most published authors make and what you read in the media for authors like Stephen King, J. K. Rowling, John Grisham, Danielle Steele and the like is a great disparity. The difference will amaze you and the reasons for the disproportionate recompense will make you realize what a rat race the publishing game really has become.

Last year I became a commercially published author by writing and assembling a pictorial history book on Crawford County, Illinois. It has sold quite well- almost 1,000 books- which may not sound like much considering the sales of the previously mentioned authors but in an area where there are 8,000 people (at the most) those sales are staggering, demographically. The publishing company has made $10,000 roughly , the vendors have made a little less than that and I have raked in $523.47! You read that right.

I wrote the proposal for the book and paid almost $3,000 in transportation and lodging to get to Crawford County and do my work. I spent a year and a half researching, gathering photos, doing the layout and even wrote the entire text, blurb, acknowledgements, corrected the proofs and had to scan and re-scan photos until everything was right. I'm still $2,476.53 in the hole while everyone else raked in money.

Is this fair? Of course not. Typical? Maybe. This book, while it gave me an opportunity to become a published author, in the truest sense of the word, is a financial bust for me even though the entire burden of the work fell on me. My work burden, while not typical, (usually writers just write a book- the rest is up to those employed by the publishing company ) adds an extra need for recompense for me but cut costs for the publishing company, instead, by not having to employ people to do the work.

Talk about a rat race! I'm wondering how many years of sales of this book it would take just to pay myself back on the expenses- not to mention an entire year and a half of wages for what a normal working stiff would make! I don't like to even think about it.

However, I'm proud of the book and so are all the residents of Crawford County who paid their hard-earned money to own a copy of a book heralding their historical and genealogical heritage. It's too bad you can't take that kind of pride to the bank!

Here's something to ponder seriously:

While people like me sweat blood and tears to produce something edifying for the reading public, the real "royalty" checks go to people who, by all rights and purposes, don't care if you can think at all. They pump out words a mile a minute, pretend they've written something important and sit back luxuriating in the spoils of the money they rake in. They're like the fun-size bags of candy you buy in the store during the Halloween candy buying season. They get more money and your soul becomes impoverished on the least amount of dross they can dredge up for your so-called "reading pleasure". If you fail to see the analogy of that, thank a publishing company.

Just the Castle Lady blowing off steam!