Santa Baby

All I want for Christmas this year... uh, just send tens and twenties. Don't laugh. I can't remember the last time Santa surprised me with anything other than some small tokens here and there and, let's face it, I haven't seen the fat guy with the red suit in person for a very long time. I don't haunt malls, believe it or not, but I don't turn away nice gifts. I wouldn't turn away a nice solid contractual offer for my forthcoming books, either.

This year Santa needs to bring some more tangible circumstances rather than just plopping a few 'cadeaux' in my lap. For one, I need an agent and a good one. I could make good use of about two assistants- one to search out edible meals at regular intervals and bring them to me and another to totally reorganize my life to make it suitable for someone who travels frequently. I could use a husband and some children to stabilize my home life and make it worth having a home. Winning the lottery would clear up a huge dilemma that's been going on for far too long now and I wouldn't mind having a real vacation in a real vacation spot. (What comes to mind? Oh, Tahiti, Bora Bora or maybe Maui! )

At any rate, I gave up on waving a list underneath anybody's nose ages ago. Maybe I shouldn't have quit. It just seems to me that if you work hard enough at what you're doing people ought to recognize the fact and make some efforts to help you out, particularly if the work looks like it would help mankind in general. I guess they don't make them like that anymore. It's very hard to get the "tykes" off of the trappings of pop culture today and onto something a little more important: our mutual lives and those of our ancestors.

Who loves you better each day?

Moi, The Castle Lady!

Throw money at the problem- Please!

How many times have I heard someone say that in order to help someone in need you're better off teaching them how to get back on their feet. Teach them a skill, educate them, give them an attitude adjustment or a swift kick in the pants for not being able to get back on their feet.

Now I would be one of the first people to say that essentially it's kinder and certainly better for everyone concerned. However, we have reached a stage, economically, that is crucial. Never before have I seen such times and I think it may be the beginning of a new kind of Depression that the world is experiencing. Glutted with goods and no real cash to pay for any of it. Even basic expenses cannot be met anymore.

A very good Italian friend I have on MSN spaces, DJ Beppe has said it best- I think- in a quote from Oscar Wilde. "In these times everyone knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." That has never been more true than now and it's serious. Knowing what true value is, whether we are talking about purchases or services, makes a large difference in our lives. Many people make their decisions based on perceived value and advertising doesn't help people make the right decisions. If entertaining someone into believing one service (or product) is better than a competitor then we are not really deciding- we're merely being persuaded by false notions.

This is my advice: If you are seriously contemplating any purchase- educate yourself about the service or product. Don't assume anything based on advertising. Get to the bottom of the essential information yourself. If someone approaches their service or their product with an attitude of educating you, at least pay attention.

The only smart consumer is a well-informed one. That's worth throwing a little money at-isn't it?

Tossing kisses your way!

The Castle Lady

Phew!

Keeping the Faith?

If you've ever tried to do two very important endeavors (that are at completely different ends of the work spectrum) in the same day- day after day- you might very well understand what I have been going through this past October. I can't recall a more hectic and frustrating month in my life ever!

At one time in my life (in my twenties!) I attended college full time and had a full time job and still met myself coming back. I don't remember such a time crunch, though. I'm not sure if my energy level is different. It may be and I am unaware of it but it just seems to me that everything takes too long now! This is my perception of the problem.

All I know is that my writing time is now relegated to either the evening or morning and the remainder of my day is spent trying to hustle money from a day job I have had to return to- too bad the monetary return is so poor in comparison to what I made in the past! When did everybody become such cheapskates? Since when do you have to convince people that they need basic services?

I think this is entirely a symptom of the economic downfall that has been created by a war we didn't need, a president who does nothing but lie and a country in peril with no real protection. 9/11 didn't just change our ideas about how we are perceived by the rest of the world, it changed our lives- period. As brave and stalwart as Americans really are, at heart, it still boils down to the fact that we are being deceived by liars who are too good at what they do. In the process we have changed, too. It's what comes from believing the words of those who do not have your best interests at heart. If you continue that way eventually you don't know the difference between a lie and the truth.

My advice is to be true to yourself and then you can be truthful with others.

Heartfelt affection from The Castle Lady!

Why Do They Call Them "Royalty" Checks?

The reality of what most published authors make and what you read in the media for authors like Stephen King, J. K. Rowling, John Grisham, Danielle Steele and the like is a great disparity. The difference will amaze you and the reasons for the disproportionate recompense will make you realize what a rat race the publishing game really has become.

Last year I became a commercially published author by writing and assembling a pictorial history book on Crawford County, Illinois. It has sold quite well- almost 1,000 books- which may not sound like much considering the sales of the previously mentioned authors but in an area where there are 8,000 people (at the most) those sales are staggering, demographically. The publishing company has made $10,000 roughly , the vendors have made a little less than that and I have raked in $523.47! You read that right.

I wrote the proposal for the book and paid almost $3,000 in transportation and lodging to get to Crawford County and do my work. I spent a year and a half researching, gathering photos, doing the layout and even wrote the entire text, blurb, acknowledgements, corrected the proofs and had to scan and re-scan photos until everything was right. I'm still $2,476.53 in the hole while everyone else raked in money.

Is this fair? Of course not. Typical? Maybe. This book, while it gave me an opportunity to become a published author, in the truest sense of the word, is a financial bust for me even though the entire burden of the work fell on me. My work burden, while not typical, (usually writers just write a book- the rest is up to those employed by the publishing company ) adds an extra need for recompense for me but cut costs for the publishing company, instead, by not having to employ people to do the work.

Talk about a rat race! I'm wondering how many years of sales of this book it would take just to pay myself back on the expenses- not to mention an entire year and a half of wages for what a normal working stiff would make! I don't like to even think about it.

However, I'm proud of the book and so are all the residents of Crawford County who paid their hard-earned money to own a copy of a book heralding their historical and genealogical heritage. It's too bad you can't take that kind of pride to the bank!

Here's something to ponder seriously:

While people like me sweat blood and tears to produce something edifying for the reading public, the real "royalty" checks go to people who, by all rights and purposes, don't care if you can think at all. They pump out words a mile a minute, pretend they've written something important and sit back luxuriating in the spoils of the money they rake in. They're like the fun-size bags of candy you buy in the store during the Halloween candy buying season. They get more money and your soul becomes impoverished on the least amount of dross they can dredge up for your so-called "reading pleasure". If you fail to see the analogy of that, thank a publishing company.

Just the Castle Lady blowing off steam!

Destiny

The nature of destiny is a force everyone must reckon with if they wish to control it. Whether this planning or goal making is taken seriously or not is almost irrelevant. It also may be illusory. Accidental deaths and mishaps and often the arrival of an unexpected child can make a mockery of plans, but we decide whether they are only detours or a derailment.

The following are two quotes from Joseph Conrad's books (yes, again!) which brings the subject of destiny into sharp focus:

It is a fact that in every man (not in every woman) there lives a lover; a lover who is called out in all his potentialities often by the most insignificant little things- as long as they come at the psychological moment: evanescent attitude, the curve of a cheek often looked at before, perhaps, but then, at the moment, charged with astonishing significance. These are great mysteries, of course, magic signs.

Pairing off is the fate of mankind, and if two beings thrown together mutually attracted, resist the necessity, fail in understanding and voluntarily stop short of the- the embrace, in the noblest meaning of the word, then they are committing a sin against life, the call of which is simple. Perhaps sacred. And the punishment of it is an invasion of complexity, a tormenting, forcibly tortuous involution of feelings, the deepest form of suffering from which indeed something significant may come at last, which may be criminal or heroic, may be madness or wisdom- or even a straight if despairing decision.

The last sentence makes me freeze up inside. In addition, I know perfectly well why I feel that way. The conclusion is that one would, basically, self-destruct I believe. Most people are raised by their parents to do just that- self-destruct. I was not "programmed" that way and so for me the hopeless situation is that of hanging on in quiet desperation. There really is no such thing as a hopeless situation but it can often feel that way.

I see no less than about four destinies lying before me- all manufactured by myself. Then, there is the destiny that everyone believes will become of me, in their mundane formulaic lives. Then there is the one that haunts me every now and then:

I used to take the bus downtown and into very run-down, rough neighborhoods when I was quite young. (A preteen they call it now.) I would observe the old, the very poor, the extremely old, the rowdy youths and what I thought of as freaks back then. I would imagine I was that person- each one in succession and decide how I could change this destiny I observed. How to change the course of time, fortune and attitude?? I wondered all these things and then eventually made my way back home and would settle into the comforts of me. I learned to like being in my skin but I never have shaken the idea that anyone of the destinies I saw before me could eventually be me, my life, my destiny. It has built compassion in me, fortitude that I seldom let anyone see and a strange fear that I keep warmed up so that I never forget.

Many people don't realize that destiny is always in the hands of our Creator. He holds all the plans, whether they come from Him or elsewhere, in hand, like a pack of cards but the ultimate decisions are already made by Him. He knows our deepest desires and He considers them because He made us the way we are and He didn't make us the way we are to change us. He made us the way we are to equip us for the destiny which was already set from the beginning of time. He merely wants to change our attitudes so we can deal with destiny as it happens and cope with destiny when it's done.
Hence this prayer: http://castlelady.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!F29367B89E011214!1853.entry

The Castle Lady, sending you off

with hugs and kisses!

a dying chase

led down a corridor

of ultimate choices

a maze of subjugating magnitude

should I return?

and was there ever a start?

wasn't there a time

when the word "choice"

had no meaning?

destiny is the journey toward origin.

- from Seasons of the Heart by Evelyn M. Wallace

Copyright 1988 Saxifrage Books

available from http://www.jeanniemay.com/seasons.html

Not your typical woman

It is from reading Joseph Conrad, extensively, that I finally realized I am not a typical woman. It's possible I never will be because I seem to inspire more fear than love. This is only my conclusion but I have a lot of emotional evidence to prove my theory.

Here are some typical passages by Conrad from his books:

The sincerest of women will make no unnecessary confidences to a man. And this is as it should be.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

As to honor- you know- it's a very fine medieval inheritance which women never got a hold of. It wasn't theirs. Since it may be laid as a general principle that women always get what they want, we must suppose they didn't want it.

We could not stand women speaking the truth. We could not bear it. It would cause infinite misery and bring about most awful disturbances in this rather mediocre, but still idealistic fool's paradise in which each of us lives his own little life- the unit in the great sum of existence and they know it. They are merciful.

A woman may be a fool, a sleepy fool, an agitated fool, a too awfully noxious fool, and she may even be simply stupid. But she is never dense. She's never made of wood through and through as some men are. There is in woman always, somewhere , a spring. Whatever men don't know about women (and it may be a lot, or it may be very little), men and even fathers do know that much. That is why so many men are afraid of them.

- from Chance

Women find their inspiration in the stress of moments that for us are merely awful, absurd or futile.

- from Lord Jim

I am quite possibly one of the few females who have made the grave error- twice now- of confiding secrets to the wrong men, thinking they were "safe". This grave error constitutes that I most likely need a confidant but have found no one worthy. I am either the worst kind of scoundrel or a saint, according to Conrad. However, I don't see myself as either one.

For the first half of my life I was surrounded by females with their ideas, ways and proclivities too much, merely out of professional necessity. Dealing with men is a refreshing change for me. Unfortunately, I have this annoying habit of sticking with the truth. Apparently, it rankles everybody, both genders certainly. No man has ever been afraid of me because I was a fool- quite the opposite! Lastly, some of my best writing has come out of a beautiful, simple and apprising moment. I call it an apercu! I can certainly write about horrible or awful occurrences but I wouldn't exactly refer to it as "inspired" writing. Quite the opposite, actually.

Perhaps the only quote from Conrad which bothers me is the idea that some coquettish woman, buttering up some poor male sap with her flattering nonsense, is considered merciful. Lies aren't merciful. They are the principal sin in this world and in the next. You can quote me on that.

I can quite honestly say there are some women I detest because they redefined our role to that of dependence, immaturity and factitiousness. It is not just galling to strong women, either. Even men are beginning to bristle at these ways simply because they have started to feel a need for a true helpmate- not a playmate!

The Castle Lady will embrace you with the lovely truth!

Pursuit

Whatever one wishes to call it, there is such a thing as a "revolution of the mind". A point at which one finally receives a revelation so brilliant, mind-expanding and brand new that he suddenly distances himself from everything and everyone who fettered his mind with old, rotten garbage and "stinking thinking" (I like to call it).

Ever wonder what causes these apercus? Desperation, at times, and perhaps acute boredom with intolerable situations. Perhaps something like an apple falling on one's head to make them aware of gravity, especially if one's aim is to defy gravity. We must know what we are up against if we are to invent the antidote, n'est ce pas?

What is it that stops you from pursuing your dream? No money? Lack of support? Do people think you're plain old crazy? This is the opposition all movers and shakers face whether it's a team of scientists wagging their collective heads, debtors that want to shake you down or swindlers who only want to take advantage of you and your positive mind set.

You must decide that no matter what the resistance to your sound and ambitious idea, nothing can or will stop you. Be determined that you can achieve it and then nothing can deter you. The only thing that can prevent your endeavor is yourself.

In the book "Building Your Field of Dreams", Mary Morrisey stated quite clearly that the most important aspect of achieving aspirations and dreams is building a support system behind yourself so that you will have people around you who believe in you and what you're trying to achieve. They may not be directly involved in the work but they are your cheerleaders and the ones who will steer you back on track if you should get blind-sided or sidetracked.

Ultimately though, you must decide that your pursuit of your dream takes precedence. It must be your ultimate goal and your reason to get up in the morning. Without that, you can and will be stopped. If you do this then life cannot get in your way no matter what happens. It will only be a detour which you can navigate more easily.

Plans can be cancelled, your pursuit cannot.

The Castle Lady planting seeds and a kiss!

The Commitment

During the years between 2000 and 2005 I started researching European castles on the web starting with Austria, then Great Britain and France. I also thoroughly researched Germany and Ireland. For years prior to 2000, I pored over books on castles, starting as teenager. When I began to formulate the idea for the Castle Lover's Guides in 2002, after I took a grand tour of a sampling of the best known European castles in 2001 http://www.ilovecastles.com/ , I felt I took on a project that I loved so much that the only help I needed was more books, more research and more information. I'm still making discoveries in these primary five countries I started with- plus I have moved on with my research to Spain, Italy, the Scandinavian countries, The Holy Land and so on...

I know this will be a lifetime project now. I didn't realize that when I started out. I need to find out if I might have a team out there (come on kids, you can do it!) ready to commit their lives to this project like I have. The reason why I say this now, is because I have come to realize what this undertaking is in full scope. I can say, unequivocally, that most likely someone will have to take up this cause like I have, eventually, and carry it to the completion I envisioned five years ago.

The countries I set my mind to are: Austria, Belgium, England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, France, Germany, Luxembourg, Italy, Switzerland, Spain, Portugal, Greece, Hungary, Romania, Holland, Denmark, Finland, Sweden and Norway. In all, twenty one countries and because some of these guides will combine countries, there will be approximately seventeen Castle Lover's Guide Books ™ when I am finished. Videos may be a part of the series as well. It is the next logical step so that people can really get a feel for the magnificence of these marvelous structures we call castles!

I haven't included Eurasia or Asian castles yet. This isn't to say I didn't have the intention of doing so. As a matter of fact, I have a wonderful and beautiful post card collection of Chinese temples and palaces. I'm sure they would be an absolute delight to visit, photograph and write about and bring to American homes. I don't know if I could live long enough to do all this. I'm certain that just the countries I've slated will take up my whole life. In essence, it already did and I'm waiting for someone to "see what I see".

Very recently I typed the word castles into a new search engine on the web (http://www.quintura.com/) and saw that there are now 14,200,000 pages on castles alone! It may possibly be one of the top subjects on the internet so I know that the interest must be there. Here's the question: Is it a mild interest, or a passing one or do you people love castles as much as I do? Talk to me!

I am convinced that the only way that someone can understand my passion is to go visit a few European or Asian castles. On your next vacation please check out some castles- the real McCoys please!- and then tell me how you feel. I think you're never going to be the same. I'm banking on it!

The Castle Lady, with enthusiastic kisses and best wishes!

I see drunk people.

Some time back, in what I inwardly refer to as my "roaring twenties", I actually went to night clubs and bars and drank alcohol. I'm not sure I ever got myself to the point of getting drunk. To my credit I've never had anyone do a blood alcohol content ( % ) test on me, therefore, I really can't be positive but I don't remember feeling out of control- save for the first time I ever drank.

With those days positively behind me I can feel assured that drinking at any point in your life is just not a great thing to be doing to your body and it's not particularly mature. I know... I know...lots of people drink and maybe they get away with it. I know what to call that- it's being an alcoholic. Really.

One aspect of drinking just cannot be refuted by reasonably intelligent people. It's this: alcohol is poison to our bodies. Period. I don't know what ever persuaded me to drink in the first place but I'm fairly certain there was a lot of coercion coming from someone. I don't remember.

I can now state unequivocally that I wish I'd never let a drop of the junk pass my lips. I can't give one good reason for drinking it in any form. It's caused me more heartache than just about any single thing I can think of right now and I've never seen any good come out of a drinking episode for any person I've known or myself. If I was in a position to advise young people on this issue I'd say, stay away from it if you can. If for some reason you cannot avoid it, drink as little of it as possible.

The recent news about a 38 year old mother of two extremely young children (2 and 4 years of age) getting drunk on a plane and knocking her kids around and then moving on to abusing the stewardess who tried to get her to calm down is appalling to me. This woman was drinking before the flight took off. Why was she served more alcohol on the plane? Only the stewardesses can answer that and it was poor judgment on their part to continue to serve alcohol when they should have had a way of doing a blood alcohol test before she entered the plane. I'm sure a lot of people would've been spared the anguish of the confrontation- including these two poor children- if they had such a procedure. I have been on planes- seated in coach and had to listen to the bellowing going on in First Class from drunk passengers many a time. Why have they not instituted some kind of screening for this legendary problem? Ask the Airlines when you book your flights. It's possible we can change things around for the better. I think flying is risky enough without having to deal with these types of issues. Didn't 911 prove that?

The Castle Lady serves up only hugs and kisses!

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted

I think I might need a vacation from my life. If you've ever had one of those crossroads' moments that psychologists and psychiatrists are always talking about, then you know what I'm saying in that first sentence. However, there is often no escape from the life you lead. If you do escape it, the deception may well drive you inevitably to tears, madness or strange rebellion (i.e. midlife crisis. ) The escape may very well be less desirable, ultimately, than the forging ahead it takes to continue "as you were", as the English say.

I'm saying this for a different reason, however. When I wrote "vacation" I meant that literally, and the same for "my life". Most people need a vacation from their life at some point in time. Their major crossroads moment is a realization that they have given their life to either one single profession and may regret it. However, it may be that they went through a series of different professions or jobs and never really found anything they wanted to do. It really makes no difference. At some point in time a normal person will get tired, stop and look back and wonder why they made the choices that consist of their past. A quote I found recently from Dorothy Canfield Fisher puts this idea into its proper perspective.

"If we would only give, just once, the same amount of reflection to what we want to get out of life that we give to the question of what to do with a two week's vacation, we would be startled at our false standards and the aimless procession of our busy days."

This is why I believe it's never too early to start thinking about your likes, dislikes and recognizing your fantasies to see if they have the potential to become realities.

You'll notice I didn't say make your choices early. It takes time and patience to become the person you are meant to be- that's irreversible. You can change so many times in your life you may begin to believe you're in the middle of an identity crisis According to Clifford Odets- this series of changes is inevitable, but he went too far.

Here's my advice: Be ready for change. Write down your wildest fantasies. Walk towards your dreams- never walk in the other direction ( you know that's wrong, don't you?) , and keep your aspirations high. Don't compromise your dream if it's really specific. Those specifics are your true destiny and the fingerprint of your character. Always look up if you want to achieve great things and you won't fail.

Lastly, don't leave God out of the equation. You'll need Him when everyone else walks away.

The Castle Lady giving you a new perspective on life, love and happiness!

Quote for the day: If a man will begin in certainties he shall end in doubts;

but if he will be content to begin in doubts he shall end in certainties.

- Francis Bacon , English philosopher (1561-1626)