A Good Marriage

     Of all the types of advice we receive in a lifetime I think the most attentive you'll find a recipient is on marital advice. I've seen enough Phil Show segments myself and gotten my fair share of seeing the negative side of what can go wrong with a marriage, that a positive spin on such a subject is always a welcome change. Since I have never been married I figure it's quite a job sifting through all the aspects- good and bad- that are said but I am not sure the advice has prepared me for the (hopefully) inevitable.

     The following quotes are from a short segment on marriage by Wilfred Arlan Peterson. I thought these were very good with a few amendments of my own:

•          You are never too old to hold hands.
•          Never go to bed angry with each other.
•          Don't take your spouse for granted. Keep the courtship going perpetually and learn to be romantic.
•          Keep a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
•          Stand up for each other when facing down or to the world.
•          Do things for each other in a spirit of joy not an attitude of duty.
•          Your independence should be equal, dependence mutual and your obligations, reciprocal.
•          Don't expect perfection in each other and have compassion for failings and faults.
•          Speak words of appreciation and demonstrate gratitude in thoughtful ways of your own.
•          Learn to forgive and forget.
•          Don't forget the words "I love you" and say them as often as you feel necessary- or more often.
•          Half of marrying the right partner is being the right partner.

     The last one is so true and the most important one of all, I believe. I once read those words on a bumper sticker and it impressed me so much that I have worked on that more than all the advice I have ever received. No one is ever really ready for marriage- at any age- until they get that one right. All the rest of these pointers are much easier to execute in a relationship if you take care of that last one first!

 

Just pointing the way to marital bliss-

with a kiss!

 

 

The Castle Lady   

 

All for One and One for All

     Today I was reading a section of the newspaper which had a wonderful article written by David Shribman on our past president's inauguration speeches. It mentioned the quotable quotes of Lincoln, FDR ("the only thing we have to fear is fear itself") and JFK's immortal words- "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country". The article goes on to show how many of the presidents who took office used the inauguration day to inact, through symbolism, what their primary aim would be while they were in office.

       An example is when Jimmy Carter, along with his wife, got out of the presidential limo and strolled down Pennsylvania Avenue, which was risky behavior for a president after the assassination of JFK. His point? It was to show that he was going to have an open book on his dealings in the White House- as opposed to the clandestine dealings of Nixon and the Watergate Scandal. There is more in the article dealing with the movers and shakers that have taken to the Oval Office and it really started my thinking processes along another line. Something I only thought about today.

        Obama has been speaking a lot about us basically taking our country back by using the privilege of being a citizen, taking on a responsibility we have not been exercising. This makes perfect sense to me and I believe he's right. We all need to do our part to help him make these changes effectively. Together we can make great achievements in the areas of obtaining affordable health care, securing our borders effectively, putting people back to work and making sure that each and every person who has put a portion of their work into social security will have this fund to fall back on when they most need it. Collectively we can get our economy and our greatest strengths back on track and going in the right direction.

        Perhaps the most important lesson this country has learned in the wake of 9/11 is how important our people are- when we unite and pull together for a common cause but this is not to take away from each individual. I think about one president- perhaps the greatest president this country has had in modern times- being taken away from his post and out of the presidency in ill-timed fashion. This is, of course, John F. Kennedy, who by his absence has shown how important each individual is to the fabric of the common good. You don't have to be a president to make a difference, just someone with a strong vision and motivation to better yourself and others.

         Therefore, I propose that each and every one of us who want to see this country get back on its feet and once again lead all the nations in every aspect, to see Obama as the leader of our great citizens who will go on to do great things. Obama is the figurehead but our greatest strength will be ourselves working for the common good.

Here's a bear hug from The Castle Lady !  

What a Year !

This past year has been one for the records ! My work alone on Northumberland about did me in because it took seven separate entries just to cover all the castles in that county and I didn't get my additional North England material posted because I promised my Live Space readership to put up a few entries on countries I hadn't covered, Switzerland (Chateau de Chillon) and Luxembourg (Chateau de Bourscheid), Ile de France ( the area that surrounds Paris) plus many of the Treasure Houses of England and an area of Royal Palaces in London (St. James's Park).

In addition to those castle entries I posted up two pieces of Holy Spirit-inspired writs "To Pray or Not to Pray" and "The Nature of Love" that I am grateful to God for giving me to impart to my readership. In fact, I am always more awed by the inspirational writing I do than any other because the ideas and the methods, so often come to me in very unconventional ways. I feel the only way to get to this point is through diligent bible reading with prayer beforehand so that God will lock in with what you are doing. He will always answer a call to communion with Him especially concerning the Word. When you do this He helps you properly interpret His word for your edification. I often think of my inspirational writing as my confirmation back to God which edifies Him. I'll bet you didn't know that we also edify God but we do so by listening closely to what He is telling us through His Word.

If you haven't visited my official web site for awhile www.ilovecastles.com you may want to check it out because I've revamped the overall look before I start putting up the individual castles of England- county by county. You'll have to be patient but it will all be worth it! I will be posting a few more articles on North England's counties on my Castlelady blog

(http://castlelady.spaces.live.com/ ) while I am concurrently putting up England on my web site to fill in- with extra data- those castles I hadn't already covered back in 2006 and 2007.

Watch me put the pedal to the metal !

The Castle Lady ; )

Christmastime

     We all think of standards at this time of year which are thought of as normal. The economy has changed the usual volume of spending but even the most thrift conscious will most likely put up a Christmas tree, perhaps send out cards, make special holiday treats like cookies, make or buy gifts for loved ones and execute any number of habitual holiday traditions because they wouldn't dream of eliminating these traditions out of their lives.

      This may be the first year of my life that I have seriously pondered why I think these holiday customs are necessary to celebrate Christmas. For many years now I have involved myself in the usual machinations of yuletide customs. The reason I feel this way is because I did something completely different this year. I decided to join in a cantata given mostly in Welsh through the Colorado Welsh Society which I joined back in September. I am only familiarized with this language so it was good to have translations in English readily available. Some songs were familiar and then some of them were completely foreign to me but not to a native Welsh speaker. It certainly did me a world of good because it gave me a whole different perspective.

      If you don't already know this, I am a Christian and I have been most of my life. Quite a few movies and television specials for Christmas have a message that is clearly Christian with the exception of the most recent. In the Charlie Brown Christmas Special that is played every year the consensus of all these children is that it has become too commercialized and it's true that, for the most part, it has been. However, something even worse has happened systematically and without warning: Christmas has become too secularized.

       We, who are Christian, have allowed our most precious holiday to become a buying season, making merry, bribing kids into good behavior with it and partying along with all the rest of the world into an oblivious state of disillusion. According to what I've been reading for years, chronic sufferers of the debilitating mental state of depression plunge back into their old mental state more deeply at this time of year than any other.

       I am writing this as a challenge to all Christians to take our holy day back, start celebrating the real reason why we started this tradition and perhaps we'll see a change in the world we never expected. Maybe atheists will sit up and take notice when we tell them, "I'm celebrating Christmas at church." Buddhists may be surprised when we insist on all references to Santa, reindeer and gift buying to end. As far as lights and decorations go- they're all fine to a point because they cheer us up during a rather dreary time of year. However, I believe a manger scene should be at the front and center of all of them, not done away with because it makes reference to a specific religion. We are celebrating Christmas and I would challenge anyone to say differently. Well, let me put it this way: if we aren't then what exactly are we celebrating?

The Castle Lady, keeping Christ in Christmas this year!

People Who Need People

     Where do friendships go? Does anyone know why so many friendships end? It has seemed to be an ethereal and elusive commodity in my life and through the years I have had occasion to reflect on past alliances and wondered why they don't exist anymore.

     I have not truly forgotten anyone I have palled around with through my several decades of life and the saddest part is that I cannot say that even 95% of those people are active participants in my life today. I don't know how other people feel about this issue but it truly concerns me and even those who have only briefly touched my life, if I remember them, cause me to wonder how they are doing. Have they solved that problem? Did they follow their dream? If they consciously rejected my friendship, without explanation, I can only sit and ask myself why and more often than not I come up without an answer.

     More recently I have ventured to make up a mental list of people I have come to know well enough to consider friends. Having worked in a service-related field for many years, the bulk of this list would be clients, but this list would also include people I have helped who had temporary or quickly-solved problems. The list also includes people I have attended church with for many years and friendships I have made in passing such as those who I see when I walk in the park each morning. I believe the average person most likely strikes up at least two hundred friendships in their lifetime.

     At one time, starting in my teens, I started writing to pen-pals all over the world. Eventually I had twenty-four pen-pals in twenty different countries. Now the list is about five in five separate countries. I certainly don't remember ever being the one who quit writing. Probably I've written about six times as many letters as I've received. What is most interesting is that these ex-correspondents have no idea how they impacted my life. When I look through their photos, the eyes pierce something in me and I think, "Where in the world are you, now?" I met a few of them through international travel and some I still correspond with and others I do not. A Parisian pen-pal quit writing some months after I met her and dined with her family, visited Versailles with her and her cousin and toured a lot of Montmartre where she lived. We had corresponded for five years before I met her. Why did she stop writing? I may never know.

      All types of reasons can go through your mind. Did this person get offended by something? Did something happen in this person's life that caused him/her to drop out of sight? Did they have to move for political or personal reasons that they could not relate to anyone? Was there a real friendship to begin with or some deception they could not continue? Did the person succumb to envy or hatred?

      Before we start to apply all the superficial reasons for this problem, merely explaining it away, perhaps we should stop and ponder why friendship has come to have so little value in our world today. There is nothing in our friendships that we can take to the bank. Materialistically, if the the friendship is genuine it is a bust. A real friendship doesn't contain a capital gains clause or anything like that if we are honest. 

      Without true, lasting friendships life is impoverished and it can never be what it ought to be if we don't connect to people outside our sphere of experience. Too often we exclude people out of envy, disinterest or wrong assumptions. The other side of this dilemma is that far too many of us value livelihood and material aspects of our lives over people. We don't have to be entrenched in greed so much as the fact that we are essentially a materialistic society. Nearly everyone can get caught up in the 'game' of existence and feel trapped by it.

      Perhaps our most important activity should be to occasionally put away our balanced checkbooks, put the bills aside and try to reassess our values. Your values exist in how you spend your time. Working, shopping, gardening, and watching T.V. are all activities that may not involve other people at all unless we make a point to include someone in those activities.

     In the Bible a verse in Proverbs (18:24) states: A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. According to Chinese philosophy, Plato is my friend but a greater friend is truth. I have felt for most of my life that my best and greatest friend was Jesus Christ. Once I understood the sacrifice he made for me it only made sense to consider him so. I have never had anyone stand up for me and say they would die for me. I have never heard any person say they would take the blame for anything I've done wrong. I have never had anyone say that they would build a house for me that is indestructible which I can live in for the rest of my life. That is, except for one person. His name is Jesus and you can read about him in the Holy Bible. He's my best and greatest friend.

 

People who need people, need Jesus!

The Castle Lady

 

    

      

Silence is Golden

    How many times have I stood in a check-out line or window-shopped in a writer's reverie and had the spell broken suddenly by some person loudly yapping a mile a minute to their other self- only to see that they have a cell phone plastered to their head or one of those blue tooth contraptions? More times than I care to think about.

     What is the rudeness level on this bit of nonsense? On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd estimate about an 8 ! I hardly think my right to think quietly in peace should be violated by a cell phone speaker. Who's to say what's more important anyway? I don't care whether they remembered to buy razorblades to shave off that awful beard even if the person on the other end of the conversation does, to tell you the truth. I'm concerned about my next novel, article or story and I don't think it's fair for Mr. Whatshisface to break my concentration.

     Remember what life was like without cell phones? Well, I do and it was better and I mean that most sincerely. Quite a few years ago I worked, briefly, as a lobby teller in a bank and one regular customer would come in always yakking away on that thing and he never stopped talking for more than a few seconds at a time. You could barely converse with him about his transactions and it was especially annoying to have several transactions messed up and to have to re-do them because he said things to people on the phone that actually sounded like instructions to the teller! Not a single teller wanted to wait on him including myself. Being treated like a non-person was bad enough without the complications of having more problems than was necessary. He was complained about constantly to the head teller. Are you surprised ?

     I believe people are becoming increasingly annoyed by the constant chatterer on wireless devices. I've had dinners in restaurants messed up by such people. I've also had legitimate one on one conversations interrupted by sudden ringing and loud banter by a person close by who hasn't the decency to take the phone someplace private. I've been driven out of public libraries, seen people driving erratically around me trying to talk on a cell phone and have you tried to get the attention of  teenagers who do just about  everything while texting each other ?

     Remember that song Silence is Golden ? I'm thinking of singing this song the next time someone cuts me off in a supermarket with their basket and talking to the air- or is there really someone else on the other end? Who knows? Who cares? These people are not nice anyway, usually. Once you actually do have their attention- assuming that can actually happen- they stare blankly at you like they're watching TV. Yes. I am a real person standing here waiting for you to pay and move along so I can finish and go home too!

     The most dangerous cell phone users are those who insist on driving and talking or even texting ! With all the horrific accidents that have already occurred because of cell phones you would think people would wise up and stop that lunacy. Instead, I see an increase of them and they almost always drive erratically. Here is where we must draw the line and it should be enforced more rigidly than traffic violations because it's actually the most serious violation of all. It's worse than not buckling your safety belt and they've already passed a law on that in Colorado.

      If they get a cell phone law passed I'd like to go one better and maybe write a book on cell phone etiquette. I think we all need one.

 

 Back atcha! The Castle Lady

       

Predicting the Weather ? Don't Second Guess Yourself !

Back sometime in the summer I decided to predict when the first snow would come to Denver this year. I chose November 14th off the top of my head and put a little announcement on my French blog- http://matite.over-blog.com/ to be posted on that date and then proceeded to just sit on it. It has been set to post ever since- sporting a little elf sliding down a snowy mountain- and for quite awhile I didn't even think twice about it.

Well, last week I looked at the pre-set drafts I had lined up to post in the near future and thought about what the weather has been like. Up to this morning, Denver has had the most beautiful autumn weather I can recall ever and I suddenly felt that I should at least put that entry off into a further future date. So I casually changed it to the 29th and figured that was as good a prediction as any because of the numerous times that it has snowed in Denver the day after Thanksgiving.

This morning I got the shock of my life when I got up and it looked like our first snow was going to be a blizzard. I did a mock konk on the head and said to myself "Why....why....why??? Why did you change that date?" I have done this more times than I can remember and I wonder if I am ever going to stop questioning my judgment and be more confident about these little victories.

Let this be a lesson to one and all. That little voice inside your head that gives good advice which we often do not heed is there for a reason. Teach yourself to trust it and I believe we may just see humankind start to improve in a very vital area. Listen to your heart. It's wiser than you think !

The Castle Lady listens to hearts!

I Voted !

     This is the first year, since I started voting, that I voted early instead of waiting until November 4th. Apparently a lot of people do just that because it was actually busy and so was everyone that was working ! My motivation was in reaction to one of the fiercest political contests in my memory. After I watched the first debate between Obama and McCain my decision was made. I didn't like the way McCain addressed Obama. He was totally disrespectful and I was shocked that he was pointed at and ridiculed as if he was a non-person standing there. I wonder what John F. Kennedy (our Civil Rights president) would have thought- were he alive today- to see a presidential debate erode into such a spectacle as this one.

     I've heard so much right-wing garbage coming from the news, radio, TV ads, slanted newspaper articles,  phone calls and snail mail political cards that I cannot understand why these people still believe they are Christians after saying some of things that have been said. Conversely, I commend Obama for staying on track by focusing on coming out with some details on the changes he wants to make. They all sound pretty reasonable to me and I haven't heard that much negative feedback towards McCain from him- despite all the terrible talk that has swirled around Obama from McCain's camp. 

     I have found that character counts for more than all the cheap rhetoric anybody can muster. Character isn't about people not making mistakes- everybody makes mistakes, big and little. Character is about how someone handles the situation when they make a mistake and their self-deportment when in the middle of disaster. Now more than ever we need someone in the White House with real character. We have been lied to for eight years and it's high time someone start telling the truth, rolling up sleeves and correcting the problem instead of covering up lies with more folly.  McCain has said that he agrees with Bush most of time on issues that have become worse than thorny. He was a part of this dangerous bail-out and he may not be able to even stay in office due to his bad health.

     Who would that leave in charge? Sarah Palin. If that idea doesn't scare you, think about this scenario. A woman who is so busy with expensive shopping sprees and supposedly running office in Alaska that she doesn't have enough time to counsel her teenage daughter from making irreversible mistakes such as having unprotected sex. Am I to believe that she could handle a country that is currently in the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression? That she would know what to do if another 9/11 were to happen? Has she shown an ability to correct mistakes and in a calm and cool manner? ( Hint: Neither she nor McCain show anything but hot-headed fervor over non-issues !) She condemns abortion even in the case of incest and rape. Do you think she's really thought about and examined this issue on all sides and been sensitive to peoples wishes, opinions or even their fears and heartaches? I wonder about people who say they have voted or will vote for someone solely on their stand on abortion when the same issue was bandied around Bush. Eight years have passed without change. Perhaps someone should tell these voters that since this is an issue passed through Supreme Court (through Roe vs Wade) the only people that would make a decision repealing or keeping this landmark legislation has nothing to do with the person in the Oval office. 

     Even if I don't agree with laws such as Roe vs Wade, legalizing euthanasia or the death penalty does that mean that I have a right to impose my views on the people as a whole? In a way, this is a judgment and a way of imposing my judgment on others using the court system as my henchman. Roe vs Wade was passed so that any woman who decides that pregnancy is a threat to her life or may be unsafe for her can obtain a safe and legal abortion. Many illegal abortions took place before Roe vs Wade was passed and many women bled to death in warehouses and empty office buildings because abortion wasn't legal. If Roe vs Wade is repealed we can expect more of that. You can see what the effect has been during the time that Roe vs Wade has been under fire from pro-lifers. How many newspaper articles have you read reporting about newborn babies having been thrown into dumpsters, found in public toilets or a high school gym bathroom during a prom? I have read one too many. Obviously, this problem will not go away even if Roe vs Wade is repealed.

     If you are interested in taking a healthy outlook and direct focus to the more pressing issues which threaten this country currently- homeland security, the state of the economy, unemployment, foreclosures ( an issue which might prevent U.S. citizens from voting if they don't know their rights) with an eye to solving the problems and not covering them up or pretending they don't exist, then Obama is actually the right man for you to vote into the presidential office. I believe he will stand up for what is right, fair and true and can keep the correct composure for making the crucial decisions which must be made in the coming years concerning the so-called preventive war in Iraq, health care insurance for everyone, securing our still unsecured borders and making it possible for unemployment to become non-existent within our borders.

    

 I have a dream- so does Obama.

It's the same dream.

The Castle Lady avec beaucoup d'amour!

 

    

Greatness

     Have you noticed that no one has ever done anything truly great by staying at home? Risk takers, gamblers, movers and shakers are the variety of people who are traditionally restless and ambitious. They take risks that no one else dares to venture. Often they would rather be out where action seems to be in high gear than take quiet, solitary and routine paths. They don't see life as something to conserve but rather more like a bank account which needs to be spent. You will never hear them grumble about a loss but you will probably always hear about their latest scheme or plan- and they always have a plan.

    I will grant you this much- this type of attitude can be taken to extremes. We don't have Gamblers Anonymous without a good reason. On the whole, however, I personally would rather live to achieve great accomplishments than shuffle around and try to act busy while making someone else rich. I'd rather really be busy and take my chances with living.

    Now, if someone looks at life with this "mega" drive and zeal there are negative aspects which need to be in check or just about anything can go wrong. Basically, a person like this may spend too much money. It is only when a true fortune has been made ( i.e. at least $1,000.000 !) that one can truly forget about money and even then, so much money may be going out that a budget is the only thing that saves the fortune. Obviously someone has to be watching the bottom line and the person with the "mega" drive will most likely need someone else to take care of finances.

    This type of person will almost always be outspoken and have outlandish ideas which go against the grain of conventional thinking and action. Often they are unique in their approach to a chosen profession. This person may even be an inventor without fully realizing it. In the early days of patents many people were mislead to believe that patenting was a sensible approach to making lots of money and they wasted manufacturers time because they didn't have this unique way of thinking which produces new products or better-made devices and products. (There are legendary jokes about zany contraptions which did nothing but make a mess or worse!) Call them what you will- geniuses, prodigies or just plain gifted- the real movers and shakers see everything from a different angle and may not fully realize their potential. They just know a good idea when they see it and know how to make it work.

    The "mega" drive types aren't the only geniuses in the world but they do have the initiative that people who don't possess such boldness often sorely need. In short, there are more sheep than rams in this world and we need to be sensitive even to these people. Often they don't come in this exact mold and quietly go about the business of what they do and know. 

    I count myself among the "mega" types although I don't fit the description exactly to a tee. For one, I am very careful with money and very value-conscious when it comes to making purchases. I don't buy junk- ever! I took the risk of going into business- the storefront variety- by myself, with no investors and without a loan just before I turned thirty! My business was successful for seven years. Did I crash and burn, you ask? No. I liquidated my business and did very well even though my business was service related. I continued in the service but unloaded the equipment. This is much more savvy than the average Mom and Pop business venture which normally folds within three years.

    To conclude, I would say that I am definitely a risk-taker but I make calculated risks and I never overextend my spending ability, no matter the situation. There is no good reason for someone to be tens of thousands of dollars in debt today and if a person is in that kind of dilemma they need to take a good look at their priorities along with the situation. Is there merely a spending-consciousness here or a real drive to excel? Do you bring something to the world market which improves the world or to make the world a better place to live?

    Greatness comes to the person who finds how to solve real problems or finds how to serve mankind well and with more humility than heroics. Heroics are great for the movies but becoming a real life hero means to take a backseat on the laudits and learn how to enjoy another's happiness. Adding character to any service to the public in general is the true path to greatness. That's something we can all believe in and strive for today.

    Great big hugs and kisses from The Castle Lady !

     

      

Birthdays

     Having recently celebrated a birthday myself I decided to pay particular attention to how people treated me if they knew it was my birthday as opposed to those who didn't and I came up with some startling conclusions based just upon this day in question. Birthdays are a bit of a curiosity when you really deeply contemplate the way we celebrate them. Just the fact that we celebrate them at all is an oddity in and of itself although because we as human beings are steeped in all our traditions they seem quite natural and we nearly take them for granted. In the books by J.R.R. Tolkien, " Lord of the Rings" and "The Hobbit" they had a tradition for birthdays that for us would seem quite reprehensible. For all Hobbits the tradition was that the person celebrating the birthday gave everyone else a present and not the other way around. Now Tolkien may have been playing with our heads a little bit but I think, on the whole he made an excellent argument without making one.  

     Here's a bit of a curiosity: Why do we make a special cake that says 'Happy Birthday' on it and serve it with ice cream? Why don't we always serve ice cream on cake? There are other traditions from foreign countries which have made it to our shores. How about the Mexican tradition of children being given pinatas, which are filled with candy and toys, then are strung up in a tree? They give the child celebrating the birthday a pole or stick and they set them about hitting and striking it until it bursts open and all the children who have attended and the birthday boy or girl scramble around trying to gather up as much as they can for themselves. Rather curious isn't it? I don't know if this is an American tradition but I can't tell you how many birthday parties I attended as a child where we always played "pin the tail on the donkey". I don't know if they still play this game.

     The final item is a particular puzzle in and of itself. Why do we have to wait until a birthday to make someone feel special ? If this person in question really is so special why don't we demonstrate this in more spontaneous ways. Do we really need to wait until someone has waited about 365 days to let them know they are thought about and deserve recognition? I am reminded of the Alice in Wonderland books. We may only have one birthday a year but we have many more un-birthdays. Maybe we should concentrate on those and not make such a big deal out of the one day. Okay, for those who would never give up the tradition- have a blowout on your next birthday but consider what I just said. There's a lot of people out there who feel unloved, unnecessarily.

 

Just The Castle Lady with lots of kisses and hugs !